I can keep busy and that masks the problem for a few days. Just like a prowling predator it creeps up on me. Whatever "it" is at the time, knocks me down, flat! The panic is there, like I won't be able to get back up again. Then I always feel guilty because I know someone has it worse than I do and I shouldn't be complaining. It feels like I take 2 steps forward and then one step back. Something always has to give and it is usually my house. Even that creeps up on me too! I need to talk and get all this out but I worry I will alienate my friends. I am not saying I am giving up. I just need to feel like I am doing more than just coping or changing my personality type.
I have so much to be grateful for. When I count my blessings, it is like a band aid covering my wounds. It helps a little. I always end up at the same feelings of exhaustion and being overwhelmed, like I am just going in a circle. Why do I keep reaching this breaking point and not see the signs that it is coming? At least then I could do some preventative measures. I laughed at my internist when she said stress could be causing all these problems. I thought she didn't know what was wrong and was just saying something to get me out the door. I am beginning to think she might be right! I do not handle stress well and it is the biggest predator of my happiness of them all! The problem is I don't know where to begin. I feel like each day is a piece of a puzzle. I just start to see the full picture and then without warning, the puzzle changes and then things aren't so clear anymore. Plus, I have to start over again! Two steps forward and one step back!
Whenever I write such a revealing post about myself it is therapeutic but leaves me feeling raw and vulnerable. My hope its that someone will read what I have to say and find comfort that they are not alone, and you are not! Another thing that you may have guessed from following my blog is that I am a fighter! I admit defeat but I get back up on that horse we call life! Nothing feels better than when you feel like you are holding the reins and that you have the control.
In addition, many of you also know that I like to do research and see what others have done in my situation. Today I found this article on what to do when you have reached your breaking point. In this article it lists habits that could be leading to stress and imbalanced. Stress is definitely a lack of balance. I like balance and control. So I looked at these habits carefully. Here is the list.
1. You work until you feel exhausted.
2. You put up with a lot of stress at home or at work.
3. You seek distraction with hours of television, video games or surfing the Internet.
4. Once you begin to work on something, you focus intensely, rarely getting up to move around.
5. You take your life very seriously, without a sense of humor.
6. You over schedule your time.
7. You're addicted to being busy.
8. You fret and worry.
9. You are constantly texting, emailing and checking up on things.
10. You deal with all the demands in your life by multitasking.
11. Your diet is loaded with sugar, fat and processed food.
12. You eat in a hurry, sometimes on the run.
Anyone else find that fits your life more than you would like to admit? Except, for me #11 does not apply because I can't eat that much anyway. Ha ha! However, too many of them do apply to me. Getting enough sleep and dealing with this stress is not such an easy task. The other thing to factor in all of this is will these changes take a few weeks, or years? Can I be patient enough to work at it until it does change? I really don't like when I feel so past my breaking point.
I mentioned a few posts back that I have this card with things I can do to boost my mood. I actually stopped writing today to do some stress relieving yoga. Exercise is on the list and I was able to with each breath let go of all that stress weighing me down. I think that for a while I will have to make a conscious effort to do some of these things as my prevention. I will of course update you here on my blog.
Here is my fabulous Be of good cheer card
I feel that to avoid my breaking point that I need to do more preventatives. These mood boosters need to be an everyday for me. Writing is a passion and helps me dump all the negativity and thoughts somewhere. It should be part of my everyday routine. Another preventative is getting enough sleep and eating well.(Not written on the list above) I can't forget those habits mentioned above either. I am also trying to get my husband on board with eating no processed food. We will see! Still a lot to do at this particular time in my life. I am not sure how I am going to fit it all in. This is me getting back on the horse of life and trotting along for a while. Maybe then I can stop doing this little dance of 2 steps forward and 1 step back, and glide gracefully and fluidly through life. Crossing my fingers! Setting some new goals! Thanks for listening and I hope you find some small way to bring some balance back into your life.