I am almost done with my reading the Book of Mormon in the month of June challenge. It has been challenging to find time to read 8 chapters a day. However, my children have heard me listening to or seen me reading. I hope they know how important it is to put the things of the Lord first. Tonight, I was reading in Ether 2:24-25.
24 For behold, ye shall be as a whale in the midst of the sea; for the mountain waves shall dash upon you. Nevertheless, I will bring you up again out of the depths of the sea; for the winds have gone forth out of my mouth, and also the rains and the floods have I sent forth.
25 And behold, I prepare you against these things; for ye cannot cross this great deep save I prepare you against the waves of the sea, and the winds which have gone forth, and the floods which shall come. Therefore what will ye that I should prepare for you that ye may have light when ye are swallowed up in the depths of the sea?
"Therefore what will ye that I should prepare for you that ye may have light when ye are swallowed up in the depths of the sea?"
I really felt a connection this time to the story. A deep connection like these scriptures were describing exactly how depression feels I have never really thought about this passage of scripture in that way before. As many of you know I struggle with depression and all that comes with it. I have taken medication off and on for 5 years. I feel like that only masks the pain for a while. I feel swallowed up in a sea of despair and darkness at times. I thought about the question the Lord asks the brother of Jared and feel its application for my depression. What can I do so that I can have light when I feel like I might drown in my seas of woes? I just sat and thought about this question for a while. Could I have enough faith to find my cure and then ask if it is what I should do. So many days I feel like I will do anything for a way to make it better, to feel normal again. Could I?
I feel a warmth and hope that I have not felt in a long time. I have been tossed to and fro, thoughts and experiences have crashed against me. The flood of tears are guilt stained and hopeless. This mental illness has felt like a chain drowning me. I am crying, now, but only because I feel those seas of darkness calming and that the Lord has given me all I need to surface, breathe and gather courage to battle it all again. He has built me to be a strong vessel, but it is up to me to keep the light. He can touch and light my heart and give me that hope.
Hope is a light that only fades if we let it. I have been grasping for hope for so long. This scripture gives me peace and hope for the day I will not be tossed so easily by this illness and that the darkness will be swept away. He will rescue me and guide me through this!
I have hope!