The path of healing is a long and joyful jouney-week 2

I used to think that I had no control over what I thought. This very thought alone is depressing and so limiting. No wonder I had so many feelings of hopelessness and being stuck. I was! So many of us walk around feeling hopelessness and victimized by our circumstances. Most of us do not realize how much we are limiting ourselves and what we really can do!I am happy to realize now, that this belief of having no control isn't true! I am not a victim of circumstance and neither are you!!! Of course like most of the paths of change we tread, it is bumpy and fraught with obstacles to overcome. How can we learn differently after a decade of holding on to so much pain and negative patterns?When I first started thinking that there was a way out of negative thinking, a couple of years ago, I was told to do positive affirmations. I tried them but my brain fought back like a petulant toddler and I only did it for a short while. I felt silly and I gave up. That is what most of us do if things aren't working. That is not to say that this is a bad thing. We are progressing and we need to be ready. Sometimes we just aren't ready and need to sit a little longer in the thought that change is possible. We also get a new tool to put into our emotional tool box. I definitely was not in a place a year or two ago where I really could use this new information. Why? Because it is new programming and our minds don't want to change they want to stay the way they are, even to our own detriment, because that is what they are used to.

 I know now I am on a different path though, to feel and do things differently. Just recently I started meditating to mange stress and to heal and let go of so many things I have been carrying. I don't really get into all the energy and vibration aspect of it. The deep breathing is delicious to me and so are the feelings of release. I didn't know that if we do not resolve a negative emotion we store it in our body, in our tissues, and the body and mind builds on this negative thought. It somehow convinces us that we are going to die if we think these negative things. This causes us to depress these emotions and it is no wonder that depression manifests itself if we keep denying these emotions and needs. They are stored and a subconscious program is created. We add to it and it becomes so natural to think these thoughts that eventually we go on auto pilot and keep living our lives. These thoughts tell us its not safe which sends out those fight or flight hormones. Then those hormones affect your blood sugar and blood pressure and your body continues to be stressed and unhappy because of all the baggage you are holding onto! Your frontal area of the brain is also sabotaged. Pretty soon you have multiple diseases. You feel stuck and scared and the cycle continues.That is the short of it. I am not saying this is the only way that disease is created or that a baby born with cancer brought it upon themselves. Not at all. It is just life. I am saying that there are things we do that our body doesn't like and tries to tell us. It is at a "dis-ease" inside. The idea is that we do not feeling at ease inside our bodies, whether, it is physical, emotional or mentally. Our bodies, which are a gift from God are screaming at us

My mind has been blown away by what I have been learning! As I mentioned before I have been meditating and doing positive affirmations. I say things like I am or I have. I recently discovered the ones that Loiuse Hay has put on you tube and I am pleasantly surprised at how my mind and heart is responding! I never realized how I was creating such thoughts of fear and scarcity in my body. My body felt like it was in survival mode and I didn't know when I would be safe or have enough food because of not being able to eat anything or even if I would have enough money. These ideas are new to me but they are creating such a stir and energy that I can't ignore or forget where all of this comes from, My Heavenly Father. He wants me to be happy and feels I am ready for this kind of growth, or so I hope.;)

Now I feel I am really getting to the root of things and ready for healing. I may not be cured in the physical sense but I can be at peace and heal in a spiritual emotional sense. You can tell that you are getting to the root of your pain by the feelings of relief and accepting what comes into your mind and also being willing to learn from it. I am healing from my past and so is my body. I never realized what I was carrying and what was influencing my action and my thoughts. We all have unresolved emotions and thoughts from our past.My root and cause of some if not all of my fatigue and disease is fear! Fear of unresolved feeling and trauma. My beliefs and behaviors became dominated by lack and scarcity. I didn't love myself or my aching body. That was it! I had caused this by making my problems the problem, when really it was how I responded to it, my attitude toward the problem.It was how I let people and situations have all the control. I truly believed I was the victim because that is what I learned as a child. I believed that tension and love went together. That I am not good enough. How can I truly love others as the Savior taught, if I can't even love myself? It was easy and normal for me to blame my parents or others for my problems and circumstances. It is so much harder to admit that I do not love myself and am not talking very nicely to myself most of the time. God loves me and he loves you and that is a thought that needs nurturing and to grow. I know as it grows so does all things good that come from it. We have to make room for this thought in all the confusion, fear and static.

This need to understand my inner dialogue has intensified and I have tried to make big changes really quickly. That of course ended in failure and me feeling like a victim and overwhelmed, and of course, more negative self talk and criticism. What I learned was I needed a more solid foundation to stand on first. I decided to journal and just sit with this idea and process that I could change. I prayed to know I was loved and what I should do. Within a month I was saying I love and accept myself and All is well. I felt a pull and a shift to heal and let go of things. Simple but powerful. I began to build on the foundation that God loved me and wants me to be happy. He wants me to rise above being a victim and to make lasting changes and have vibrant health. He wants us to think and act as he does. There is no surer foundation and exemplar than Christ and his gospel. I have always known that, but my grasp of it, has grown. If you do not know that with every tingling part of your body then I would challenge you to come to that knowledge and belief. Watch it grow and enjoy all the small but delightful changes and love that come your way. Change is only a Christ like thought away! Start small and let it sink in and really take root inside your heart. I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings and I wish the same for each of you!

The path of healing is a long and joyful journey-week 1

I have been trying to heal for sometime. Why? Healing takes time. It is so hard and frustrating and progress is slow.Any of you on a healing journey my heart goes out to you because it is a hard path to take. But if you have a strong enough reason why you want what you do, then it can be enough to keep you motivated and moving. Each of us are different but all of us want a healthy happy life. For those of us healing from chronic illness the road we walk can seem uneventful and limited. I am here to tell you the path to healing has numerous possibilities. It does not define us.Some paths come to a dead end and others appear. My current path is not always very clear. I knew that I wanted to find lasting happiness and be rid of my depression. I also wanted to find more lasting results to my Fibromialgia.

If you are the type to do your research, like me, you most likely feel overwhelmed by any or all the changes you have to make. I have had too many paths open up lately that I have been confused on which to take. I do know that asking God is my best way to know if I am on the right path or not. James 1:5-6 tells us that if any of us lack wisdom let him ask of God. We have to ask! We also have to be faithful and trust that those answers will come. As I wait for guidance I still have a choice to make. Which path will I choose? Maybe I am just afraid to take a new path that took me away from the familiar? I chose to stay on my current path and look for opportunities to change if I wanted to or felt impressed to. The events over the last few weeks has altered my path considerably.

Here is what has been happening.I went into the doctor because I was out of some medications, which I hate to be taking, but right now that is my only option. I did some more lab work and left feeling more confused and hopeless than ever. I also met with a functional doctor and he wanted me to invest in his program and supplements and told me I was seriously sick. He said on a scale of 1-10, 10 being death I was a 7 or 8. I felt hope that he could fix many things that my conventional doctor would just medicate, but it still didn't feel right. I have been feeling for sometime now that I need to be an advocate for my health but I didn't know how. That is when I went on the internet like I always do and started to get more ideas of what was out there. I knew that my stomach and digestion was in trouble so I decided I would stick to my diet but eliminate carbs except for veggies. I did this so I could get rid of candida. I knew I had that because of oral thrush and other symptoms. Goodbye corn and Costa Vida!!! I also added coconut oil and green smoothies with spinach and cucumbers a couple times a day. I started that on the 28th of April. Then the insomnia kicked in. I couldn't fall asleep or stay asleep. I drink a ghi shake during the day and I decided to move it to the evening to help me stay full and my blood sugar not to drop. I figured that is what was keeping me up. I was hungry! I am always hungry!!

The next step was besides to starve them was to kill them! Drop a bomb on them! Those succors has to die!!!! It was my body after all!!! I went into the health food store after reading about natural antibiotics and bought some oil of oregano. When I got home I felt sick and tight in my stomach and I no longer felt like oregano was a good option. I decided to look more on the internet and I am glad I did because I probably would have killed them but them the toxins they released would overwhelm my almost sluggish liver and exhausted adrenals. So my once clear path seems less clear yet again but I kept looking at what others had done and was set on starving all pathogens I could. I also started putting himaylan salt in my water because I knew my electrolytes were low from lab results.

It has been a week and I have had one really good day on Tuesday. I felt good I mediated. I wrote and I went outside and did some Sun salutations and some grounding with my bare feet. I talked with a neighbor and had a great time visiting and enjoying the sun after a full week of rain. She gave me a book called Cleanse and purify thyself by Richard Anderson. I was excited to read it. The next day I had plenty of time to read it because I had no energy at all!The next day and the next was the same. I was too tired to do anything. I must have done too much. It is hard when feeling good is such a rarity to not live it up but you must know what you will be sacrificing if you do too much! Sometimes I just take that chance and hope you won't crash and burn. It is a chance that I took. I used to say I was suffering for it but I feel the pull to heal and that day was healing for my soul and heart so it was worth it!

My focus and possibly a whole new path has changed from focusing so much on my diet to listening to my body and ask why I hurt where I do? What is my body telling me? I also started to do that with my emotions. Just within a couple of days of being more aware I have felt more hope and felt more loving toward myself and my body than I ever have!! It is still a challenge when I am stressed or triggered by something that brings me back to my childhood trauma. Wheather can kick my butt! It is taking all the mental exertion I have to stay aware and in control of my thoughts and emotions.

The biggest lesson I have learned  is that these paths that open up are not always ones you will take but these paths let us know there is hope and other options out there and this has been huge! I am all in! I know that I will be guided where to go and make decisions for my health whatever they may be. I keep walking and trusting and increasing in strength and trust. Even though the changes are slow and almost unnoticeable things are changing I feel the pull to better health and vibrant living. This is true whether I am lying down or standing in the sun doing some yoga. ;)

Now it is your turn.Here is how you know if you are experiencing an inner change:
1.Old habits and thinking no longer make sense
2.You are veracious for knowledge
3.Opportunities are opening up
4.Desires for change are increasing