Tuesday, March 1, 2016

3 steps to an inward inspection and prevention plan

I don't want to fight anymore! I don't want to feel this pain. My mind tells me to give up and numb my senses with Facebook or Netflix. I sat in the school parking lot for almost 2 hours this morning! 2 hours I wasn't getting things done or playing with my toddler. 2 hours that I was fighting a losing battle. I asked my child what was wrong. What is your hardest thing for him at school? I even tried to give something to look forward to if he would just get out of the car and try! All I heard back was you can't make me. I can stay in this car all day.

I don't want to fight but now I feel caught up in a cyclone of emotions. It would be easy to lose my cool and demand that he go. Is my child really learning anything that way? They are learning that he can manipulate me or that trust will be lost if I call the principal and have them drag my unwilling participant out of the car. I have done that a time or two.

Things have been going so well and then, just like a pot hole out of no where, the defiance shows up. We feel the pain and bumps along the way. I know the wear and tear is already showing. Before I even see it coming, the damage is done! If my vehicle hits a vicious pothole I would need to bring it in for inspection. When my relationships hit a pot hole a inward inspection is also a necessary step. The sooner the better!

There are roads I travel daily that have many potholes. Every day I have to avoid them. Every day their are emotional, anger, self doubt pot holes. Every day I have to avoid those too! Most likely the damage to your vehicle would be damage to the tires or misalignment. There can also be premature damage to your struts or suspension. I know what some of these terms mean, but lets face it, I know very little about cars. All of these problems can have long term effects. Our relationship with our family members is the same way. We may not see the wear and tear until it is a very costly and emotional fix! You may need a whole new relationship alignment.

Certain prevention ,like keeping air in your tires or allowing enough room between you and the vehicle in front of you, can keep damages from happening. Preventing emotional outbursts and staying calm can go along way from hitting a pot hole that is coming. I would suggest 3 important steps toward this kind of prevention.
  1. If you have a game plan of how you as the parent will behave that can go along way in preventing emotional damage. If you have determined ahead of time that you will stay calm; then you are more likely to be able to keep your cool under pressure. As parents we often loose it because we are trying to keep control and are unsure how to handle a situation.
  2. Digging deep to find out what the problem really is. Ask why and what questions. What is so hard? Why do you feel like this? Etc....Like many vehicles diagnosis, it may take a little while to find out where the problem is.
  3. When your child is ready to listen have them come up with a game plan too. For example, we have a game plan for when my son comes home from school and has had a bad day. He wants to numb himself by playing video games. Instead we came up with a plan that he will draw or write in his journal. When he is ready he will come to me and talk. We are engaged in teaching them self government and how to recognize Satan lies. Instead of fighting with each other we call Satan out and recognize when he is deceiving us. It is amazing how much cooperation has grown in our home.
D&C 38:30
I tell you these things because of your prayers; wherefore, treasure up wisdom in your bosoms, lest the wickedness of men reveal these things unto you by their wickedness, in a manner which shall speak in your ears with a voice louder than that which shall shake the earth; but if ye are prepared ye shall not fear."

I have no control over the days events but I could tell from last night that I would have a problem this morning with this particular child. It was still really hard but I feel much more prepared to handle these situations because I have done the above preventative measures. Luckily after such a rough morning my child came to me with tears in his eyes and said he didn't know why he acted that way and that he needed to recognize that those thoughts were not of God. With tears in my eyes I said "yes" and we were able to talk and realize we need a game plan for days like these too!

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