Thursday, August 20, 2015

Take backn your Turf Thurday-To do or not to do that is the question

I am having one of those days weeks where I feel stressed and overwhelmed. I have been able to get some things done around the house. Yet I still feel that it is messy, unorganized. When it hurts to even get in the car it is hard to run errands or clean the simplest of things. I started to think what I would do with a whiny and uncooperative kid, who thinks the world revolves around them. That is when it hit me! I would  need to talk with them and come up with a solution. I need to have a chat with my to do list! It thinks that everything needs to get done TODAY, no matter if this is to the detriment of my health. I love, love, love lists! I write them but then I feel overwhelmed! It feels like any minute the big stack will turn around with its scary jaws and eat me! Yes, I am exaggerating! Sometimes my have to get done items do not get done because I can't move or I am too exhausted. Then I feel like a big fat failure!  I am swallowed by my feelings of failure and being overwhelmed.

Yesterday, I was stressed to get my house ready for guests and stressed to keep my kids on task. It was not fun! I was tense and irritable. Today I managed to stretch my muscles, load and unload the dishes, start a crock pot dinner, and get the kids to and from school. There are still things to do sloshing around in my head. I am in complete denial that fibromyalgia can win. I have tried and got up today but I still feel the same.

I have come to the conclusion that today may be a tough one! So I am tossing the to do list out today and making a what not to do list. My attempt here is to stop the over thinking and over planning.
  1. Do not listen to negativity from others and yourself.
  2. Do not feel guilty for saying no to a fun or good thing. Pushing yourself so you look less pathetic will not help. Your body will scream at you!
  3. Do not focus on what you can't do. Focus on your Ta da list and what you can do.
  4. Pick one thing and do it.
  5. Take your task and figure out how much time it will take. Allow double or triple that time to get it done.Break it down into pieces.
  6. Break it down even more!
  7. Do not compare yourself to other woman whose house is spotless.
  8. Stop worrying! Just stop it!
  9. Don't forget yourself. Put care of yourself on your list. That includes diet, sleep, exercise, meditation and down time.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Bound and determined to break free

I feel like I have neglected my little blog lately, and have sorely been missing it as an outlet. Here I am! I cannot believe summer is over and the kids are in school. The last few weeks have been a little on the frustrating side. There has been a lot of storms in the sky and within. How is that for deep huh? I have started and stopped writing a post so many times, but nothing reads like I want it to. It is more like vent, complain, vent and complain some more. I figured you would not want to hear that. So here I go again! I need to speak. The pain wants to come out! How honest should I be? That is the question. I feel like a burden to my husband and friends. When they ask how I am feeling I never know what to say. So, I say I am okay. But that is far from the truth. It is not only a battle with pain and exhaustion, but a daily battle with my thoughts. I have turned to the scriptures and have found comfort, but only to hang in there a little longer. I don't want to sound ungrateful either and drive away any hope that I have. I keep praying to know what I am to learn from my illness. I need to do some more searching I guess......

All of the crooked pieces of my illness started to fall into place 5 years ago when they found I had celiac. Then I was able to battle very severe depression so I could live again. It is still a battle today but I can cope better. Then we moved away from wonderful friends. The distance, though small, has proven to be quite the wedge, as far as keeping in touch. I love where we live now, but I lost a friend who I could really talk to about all of this. I miss her and try to draw from her strength when we catch up via text of Face book. There are amazing people here, but they are super Moms in my opinion, and it is hard to measure up let alone keep up! They are confident and organized and so amazing!!!

I am grateful to know that the Lord is there. I truly believe that. I just struggle with letting him carry my burdens and not revisit the same woes again. I am really in awe of Nephi in 1 Nephi 7 in the Book of Mormon. He was so faithful and strong. He even found time to praise the Lord when his brothers bound him. David A. Bednar said "Nephi did not pray to have his circumstances change, rather he prayed for strength to change his circumstances. I am bound by my illness so how can I break free? Nephi must have felt alone and wondered why his brothers wouldn't listen and hated him so much. There was no pity party for one. He believed and he broke free. It is so hard to think like that. I am going to have bad days. I need to accept that! When I am struggling to break free I need to pray for strength. This may never go away. I may never have a day that is pain free, but I can choose to do something about it. Let me say that again, I can choose. I choose to be happy! I choose to count my blessings! I choose not to miss moments of joy! I am bound and determined!

Before I go I hope I have inspired you, whether it is to live through your illness, face difficulties or just to renew your faith in the word of God. Let's face it, we all have bad days!Thanks for stopping by!

Monday, August 3, 2015

Taking action in August

Hello all of you! I have been a little MIA.For two weeks now I have been battling a nasty cold. Some days my energy is not there and neither is my voice. Today our basement flooded and I called our relief society president and within minutes help was on the way. I had already dragged buckets and a wet vac so now I am using heating pads and ice on my joints. Not so fun. :(

 It can be really easy to be flooded with too much in your life. Some days I feel my goals and dreams are washed away by procrastination or just the daily to do's. Sometimes I am just overwhelmed! All things considering, I am grateful for so many things today. I have really been trying to pray more and ask for guidance in my day to day. I have been planning more and putting those plans into action. When something pops into my head or a name I act on it. Each night I think of the next day. That is why, this month, I plan to take action! I don't want to be my overambitious type A self and set goals that are too high. Instead, I hope to set the bar low so that I can have success. I want to celebrate the baby steps until I have climbed to the top of what I am aiming for. Cleaning my house sounds good until I notice all that needs to be done. I just want progress and I get so miffed when anything stands in the way of it! I may fail! I took a deep breath when I wrote this. It WOULD be easier for me to think my house could be the way I want in a year rather than a week or tomorrow! How do I do this? Here is what I am hoping to accomplish this month
  1. Learn to break tasks down into smaller bites
  2. Mentally not get frustrated that I can't get to the end result as fast as I would like
  3. Learn to mind map-it is a way of brainstorming and breaking your ideas down into more manageable chunks.
  4. Plan my day by picking most important small tasks.
  5. work on task for 50 minutes and then stop for 10 minutes. The ten minutes is to refocus and decide what to do next.
  6. Evaluate at the end of the day