Fatigued and failing

I used to wake up on days like this, stormy and dark, feeling like a failure already because I hurt so bad. I knew I would not be able to do what I wanted to do for the day before the day had even started. This is the life of chronic illness. You are forced to choose what you want to do because of how little energy you have. You may not have Fibro but it seems like many woman these days are walking around exhausted, pulled in so many directions and feeling guilty because they got nothing done. Exhausted, out of fuel and running on empty. If a car ran out of fuel it wouldn't be able to keep going yet we do that to ourselves constantly. We push and get things done anyway. It totally zaps the energy and joy out of life and you.

If I try to push and keep going there is a terrible price to pay. It comes in the form of being exhausted in mind body and spirit. I wake up with my skin feeling like it is on fire and completely wiped like I had run a marathon or something. I have been struggling with fatigue for a while now and just when I think I have figured out my pace something shifts or changes. It can be frustrating but the little scientist sees a challenge and an experiment.

If I can only do one thing what would it be?

I have so much to do but no gas in the tank. My choice is practically made for me. Days like today are a warning that I better park myself and not force anything or I will be sorry.

I am learning to focus my mind, heart and body and God. That when I put him first everything else falls into place. That means choosing that one thing I want to do today and reassessing if I can do more. Everything else I can do after that is like icing on the cake. I take my big bowl of leftover icing with a spoon and I sit there and lick what is left, totally in the moment and sweet victory.

 These are the days when my priorities become so clear because I don't want to be too tired for my family.That means letting A LOT of tasks go so I can focus on just the important ones. Those priorities are my relationships. I like to think of it like this.

Imagine you had to leave your home and you could only take what you could carry.

 These are your priorities.

My God,my family and myself and food and water.

"The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing "Steven R Covey

"When you put God first everything falls into place or drops out of our lives" Ezra Taft Benson

What is your main thing?