Take backn your Turf Thurday-To do or not to do that is the question

I am having one of those days weeks where I feel stressed and overwhelmed. I have been able to get some things done around the house. Yet I still feel that it is messy, unorganized. When it hurts to even get in the car it is hard to run errands or clean the simplest of things. I started to think what I would do with a whiny and uncooperative kid, who thinks the world revolves around them. That is when it hit me! I would  need to talk with them and come up with a solution. I need to have a chat with my to do list! It thinks that everything needs to get done TODAY, no matter if this is to the detriment of my health. I love, love, love lists! I write them but then I feel overwhelmed! It feels like any minute the big stack will turn around with its scary jaws and eat me! Yes, I am exaggerating! Sometimes my have to get done items do not get done because I can't move or I am too exhausted. Then I feel like a big fat failure!  I am swallowed by my feelings of failure and being overwhelmed.

Yesterday, I was stressed to get my house ready for guests and stressed to keep my kids on task. It was not fun! I was tense and irritable. Today I managed to stretch my muscles, load and unload the dishes, start a crock pot dinner, and get the kids to and from school. There are still things to do sloshing around in my head. I am in complete denial that fibromyalgia can win. I have tried and got up today but I still feel the same.

I have come to the conclusion that today may be a tough one! So I am tossing the to do list out today and making a what not to do list. My attempt here is to stop the over thinking and over planning.

1. Do not listen to negativity from others and yourself.
2. Do not feel guilty for saying no to a fun or good thing. Pushing yourself so you look less pathetic will not help. Your body will scream at you!
3. Do not focus on what you can't do. Focus on your Ta da list and what you can do.
4. Pick one thing and do it.
5. Take your task and figure out how much time it will take. Allow double or triple that time to get it done.Break it down into pieces.
6. Break it down even more!
7. Do not compare yourself to other woman whose house is spotless.
8. Stop worrying! Just stop it!
9. Don't forget yourself. Put care of yourself on your list. That includes diet, sleep, exercise, meditation and down time.

Bound and determined to break free

I feel like I have neglected my little blog lately, and have sorely been missing it as an outlet. Here I am! I cannot believe summer is over and the kids are in school. The last few weeks have been a little on the frustrating side. There has been a lot of storms in the sky and within. How is that for deep huh? I have started and stopped writing a post so many times, but nothing reads like I want it to. It is more like vent, complain, vent and complain some more. I figured you would not want to hear that. So here I go again! I need to speak. The pain wants to come out! How honest should I be? That is the question. I feel like a burden to my husband and friends. When they ask how I am feeling I never know what to say. So, I say I am okay. But that is far from the truth. It is not only a battle with pain and exhaustion, but a daily battle with my thoughts. I have turned to the scriptures and have found comfort, but only to hang in there a little longer. I don't want to sound ungrateful either and drive away any hope that I have. I keep praying to know what I am to learn from my illness. I need to do some more searching I guess......

All of the crooked pieces of my illness started to fall into place 5 years ago when they found I had celiac. Then I was able to battle very severe depression so I could live again. It is still a battle today but I can cope better. Then we moved away from wonderful friends. The distance, though small, has proven to be quite the wedge, as far as keeping in touch. I love where we live now, but I lost a friend who I could really talk to about all of this. I miss her and try to draw from her strength when we catch up via text of Face book. There are amazing people here, but they are super Moms in my opinion, and it is hard to measure up let alone keep up! They are confident and organized and so amazing!!!

I am grateful to know that the Lord is there. I truly believe that. I just struggle with letting him carry my burdens and not revisit the same woes again. I am really in awe of Nephi in 1 Nephi 7 in the Book of Mormon. He was so faithful and strong. He even found time to praise the Lord when his brothers bound him. David A. Bednar said "Nephi did not pray to have his circumstances change, rather he prayed for strength to change his circumstances. I am bound by my illness so how can I break free? Nephi must have felt alone and wondered why his brothers wouldn't listen and hated him so much. There was no pity party for one. He believed and he broke free. It is so hard to think like that. I am going to have bad days. I need to accept that! When I am struggling to break free I need to pray for strength. This may never go away. I may never have a day that is pain free, but I can choose to do something about it. Let me say that again, I can choose. I choose to be happy! I choose to count my blessings! I choose not to miss moments of joy! I am bound and determined!

Before I go I hope I have inspired you, whether it is to live through your illness, face difficulties or just to renew your faith in the word of God. Let's face it, we all have bad days!Thanks for stopping by!

Taking action in August

Hello all of you! I have been a little MIA.For two weeks now I have been battling a nasty cold. Some days my energy is not there and neither is my voice. Today our basement flooded and I called our relief society president and within minutes help was on the way. I had already dragged buckets and a wet vac so now I am using heating pads and ice on my joints. Not so fun. :(

 It can be really easy to be flooded with too much in your life. Some days I feel my goals and dreams are washed away by procrastination or just the daily to do's. Sometimes I am just overwhelmed! All things considering, I am grateful for so many things today. I have really been trying to pray more and ask for guidance in my day to day. I have been planning more and putting those plans into action. When something pops into my head or a name I act on it. Each night I think of the next day. That is why, this month, I plan to take action! I don't want to be my overambitious type A self and set goals that are too high. Instead, I hope to set the bar low so that I can have success. I want to celebrate the baby steps until I have climbed to the top of what I am aiming for. Cleaning my house sounds good until I notice all that needs to be done. I just want progress and I get so miffed when anything stands in the way of it! I may fail! I took a deep breath when I wrote this. It WOULD be easier for me to think my house could be the way I want in a year rather than a week or tomorrow! How do I do this? Here is what I am hoping to accomplish this month

1. Learn to break tasks down into smaller bites
2. Mentally not get frustrated that I can't get to the end result as fast as I would like
3. Learn to mind map-it is a way of brainstorming and breaking your ideas down into more manageable chunks.
4. Plan my day by picking most important small tasks.
5. work on task for 50 minutes and then stop for 10 minutes. The ten minutes is to refocus and decide what to do next.
6. Evaluate at the end of the day



TAKE ACTION NOW! JUMP IN!

Life is like a river

   

I have been thinking about my life lately and how much things have changed over the years. Life is like a river. After some time erosion or floods can change the course of a river. I remember as a girl, I was at my parents cabin and we were stuck in doors because of the rain. We barely made it across the bridge with our car so we wouldn't get stuck with no way out. It was amazing we didn't get swept away with the rushing water. Every time we go and visit I look at how different the creek looks. There are rocks piled and broken branches everywhere. Everything is wider but there is not enough water to fill it.

If we could look back on our lives, we would notice all the bends and turns. Our life could change and take a different course in a short period of time or over years. My life changed when I served a mission for the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints. My life changed its course when I met my husband and we became close through letters of encouragement on our missions. When he got home I moved to be with him and stayed with a relative of his who had lost her husband right before he had said okay to me staying with them. Each of these times Jesus was changing my course without me even realizing it. Change is when you get married. It is the birth of your children. It is illness gripping your every chance it can or trying to pull you under the current of despair.

Sometimes you can stay on course and just ride the current. This last weekend we went tubing on a river. It was a lot of fun but at times a little tense. We all tried to stay together, holding on to ropes and straps. Sometimes we would get stuck on some rocks. A few times we had someone get flipped over. One of those times was a 2 year old. Luckily the children had life jackets and were rescued swiftly. If we lost someone in the group we eventually would bump into each other. As long as we could see those who were separated there was still hope for them to hold on. Each time we went back to the beginning and try the rivers course again, we would face new challenges. How many times in life do we get out of our raft or are knocked out, just to be pulled in another direction or under the water. There are bumps and stops along the way. Life can be rough and unpredictable. It shouldn't ever stop us from staying on our raft or trying to get back on if we get knocked off a time or two! Like life we cannot control where it takes us. A river is ever flowing and life is ever changing. We just have to chose to enjoy the ride and go with the flow.

When one door is locked you can open it!

My littlest man is a full blown busy and determined toddler. Everyday he discovers more and more what he can do. His latest trick is locking himself in a room and us out. He begins to cry when he realizes he is stuck. Maybe in some small way he knows he is responsible for his plight. When he cries in desperation and jiggles the door my heart breaks and I want to get him out in the first place. If he locks himself in our bathroom it is  tiny and sometimes I feel this makes him panic! The door knob also does not have a key on the other side, so we had to make a special tool to get him out.

As I thought about this more lately, I realized many times we are either shut out or we are stuck inside a mess of our own creation. Sometimes our loved ones shut us out of knowing how they are feeling. They are jiggling and fiddling with the lock but don't know what to do to get out. How much better do children feel and parent , when, after time they are both on the same page? Emotionally no one feels locked out and hurt.

If we are the one locking our hearts and feelings from those we care about; we create that barrier. Maybe we are just too overwhelmed so we unknowingly lock the door of our possibilities. We may feel trapped or held hostage by feelings we don't understand. Maybe we worry no one will hear us jiggling the door and calling for help. Perhaps, we are stubborn and don't want help? I have been there many times myself. The biggest mistake we make is to stop trying to break free from hopelessness, fear, anger, depression or anxiety. We need someone on the other side; our side! That someone is Jesus Christ. He says in Luke 11:9

 "And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you"

We feel like the  weight is lifted from our shoulders when the door is opened. We have possibilities and enlightenment. We may also feel comfort and freedom. Just like in the case of our bathroom door, the "special tool" we can use to "get out" is prayer and supplication. This is true for us as the rescuers for our children or the ones trapped and lost. Lately I have been trying to pray with all my heart. To me this has come to mean, with all my feeling and emotions.

This includes:

1.  praying for the Lord to inspire my heart 
2. thinking of ways to help
3. showing love and kindness by not shouting and listening
4. going to work and doing whatever I feel guided to do

Eventually he will answer the door or like the famous quote by  Alexander Graham Bell dictates " When one door closes another one opens" Ask for help, get on your knees! Don't panic because he will help us! Whether we are trapped on the other side or need to help a loved one who is.

Here is another picture from my scripture journal. This is a reminder to me to  pray with all my heart!

Take back your Turf Thursday

It has been a long time since I have written a Take back your Turf Thursday in a while! Yikes! I really have just had my hands full, honestly. My energy has been drained by stress and illness. The last few weeks, however, I have been taking an hour first thing in the morning to get things done around the house. I have cleared clutter areas and vacuumed everyday. I need to vacuum that often to help my poor little guy with allergies! A year ago I found out that he had such severe food and environmental allergies. He is still pretty much the same. Every night we don't know if we will be up at night with him scratching and crying. he picture below breaks my heart. Hi pop face! My husband and I couldn't take him sleeping in our bed so we moved him to his bed until he wakes up and wants to come I our bed. A little more freedom and room for us! I'm taking back my room!



I also have changed my living room set up again! Tee hee. I just can't help myself. The best thing is that it is free!



I used this end table as a coffee table. There are ottomans on both sides that can be pulled out for extra seating.

8
One last huge hurdle I must overcome is my children's toys. I have filled the four big bins I was planning on rotating. I still have more toys to go through ughhh.

Summer of Sucess week 8-Dive in to the ocean and scripture journals

Day 1- July 13th
Our little family is diving in deep in the ocean and into our scriptures. I am also planning on diving deeper into mine since last month I was trying to reach 8 pages a day to read the Book of Mormon in a month! We have been enjoying shark week so much that we will continue looking at the ocean this week.
Devotional:2 Nephi 31:20
Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.

"Commitment is like diving into the water." says President Dieter F. Uchtdorf. He continues saying "Either you are committed or you are not. Either you are moving forward or you are standing still. There’s no halfway. We all face moments of decision that change the rest of our lives. As members of the Church, we must ask ourselves, “Will I dive in or just stand at the edge? Will I step forward or merely test the temperature of the water with my toes?”
I asked them to commit and make a promise to be nice to each other and read the scriptures everyday.

They DIVED right in!

After the message it is suggested to draw a picture of gospel activity that shows commitment.
I suggested they draw what they read about in their scriptures. Here is my unorganized thoughts and what I got out of reading. I am tweaking an outline to follow. Also I started a study of Nephi and added my favorite quotes on the topic honor your parents. The last picture is the kid's journal page. I love the fireworks! I think they felt some fire works inside, from the spirit too! :)

 

 

writing prompt:ocean animals for each letter

My kids love Bill Nye and the magic school bus....and getting screen time!

 

Day 2-July 14tth

Devotional: Work on memorizing 2 Nephi 31:20

 

Watch: Magic school bus takes a dive. I like this one because it was all about being partners and how certain animals benefit from each other.

 

Writing prompt: In the sea there is ________Something they learned about the animal

 

  I also let the kids explore on the Internet and looking up things they wanted to learn about. Here were a few websites they looked at

http://ocean.nationalgeographic.com/ocean/

 http://www.enchantedlearning.com/coloring/oceanlife.shtml