What you need to know about people with food allergies

Eating and cooking used to be my favorite thing to do. I started to really jazz things up when I started watching Food Network. I have watched Food network now since 2005. I watched hoping to find recipes to bring joy to my husband and to keep me sane. Now I am no Martha or Julia Child's in the kitchen. I make lots of mistakes. One in particular still makes me laugh to this day. I made my Grandmas tamale pie that she would always make at Christmas time. She is gone now, but her recipes are here to pass down to the next generations. When I made it  I was so excited! I was like a kid at Christmas really. I made the cornmeal and added the meat and tomatoes. Next I poured the spices.  After I did I started to cry when I realized I put too much pepper on it. I don't know how I saw Tablespoon instead of teaspoon! I didn't know how bad things were with my depression but this day was like so many others. I was just so upset and of course crying. Well my sweet hubby ate it anyway and tried to comfort a very inconsolable creature of a wife. We had just had a baby that was very colicky and cried a lot. I was really just beginning to scratch the surface of what was wrong with me. Now that I look back on it I should have gotten help then. Back then food was such a comfort and passion of mine.

Now I feel more like I am eating in a dungeon every day.  I am tortured by the smell of food that can never touch my lips or melt on my tongue. Food is also a very social thing for me. Socially I feel like an outcast when I can't eat anything. People ask why I can't eat this or that but it makes me so sad. It is like asking why someone doesn't have a baby yet when they can't have kids. It is painful to talk about. I don't like talking about it but I do because at least I am being social and people are talking to me. I love being around people and having a good time but I feel like I am in chains the whole time while I am doing it.

Food allergies are becoming more and more common everyday. My youngest still can barely eat anything. He is so itchy and uncomfortable. I worry for him and when he goes to school. Will he sit alone? Food allergies are so isolating. These allergies are so frustrating. They are like a ball and chain. It gets tiring trying to live in a allergy prison. Who wants to worry what they could put in their mouth could be fatal or cause their stomach to ache? Yet that is how it is for me and many others I am finding out. I am like that kid eating alone because I am different. My friends and family don't treat me bad or anything. They are understanding and concerned but this is how I feel regardless.

I was talking with a concerned friend the other day and she told me about one of her grand kids who can't have peanut butter. He can't even be near to it so he sits alone to be safe. Then she proceeded to tell me that it wasn't long before other kids told their parents not to put peanuts in their lunch so they could sit by him. I started to cry. Her words of hope calmed my aching heart. I told her how much I had to opt out of this week because I couldn't do it. Sometimes it really feels like I am eating alone at the table of life. What she said next has been on my mind all week. She said just opt in people into your life and pretty soon they will want to sit at your table.

Again I had been looking at things all wrong. I was isolating myself and pulling myself down. This woman made me feel special and like I was one of the cool kids. It doesn't matter if you are 6, 16 or 36 there is still that need to feel included and feel special. Some times we feel like we have to go it alone. It is better to avoid what is uncomfortable or embarrassing. I put on a brave face and act like I am okay that way. Who am I kidding? Isolating myself is the worst I could do. Yet I still do it. Why is that?

I don't know why I keep battling these inner thoughts day after day. I try to challenge them but they just keep coming back. I have noticed now that if I am in a room I look for other people standing alone. I am drawn to those who are hurting like me. Somehow knowing there are others makes me feel better. It makes me feel like I can leave the dungeon or find cell mates who have the same life sentence of Chronic illness that I do. For those of you who think I like being alone, I don't. Please don't pass me by or leave as a friend. We are alone because we feel like we have to, not because we want to be. When someone is sitting alone or they say they are okay look deeper. Look into their eyes. Look at their posture or what their hands are doing.

I still love food but it is not my passion. I have found other passions. This blog is one and helping as many of you as I can. I know what many woman feel these days. I have been through a lot of pain. I have worked hard a lot. I have forgiven much. I have also let go of a lot. But I still feel deeply and many things are still sensitive for me to talk about. But I want to help. Just thought I would let you know what its like to not be able to eat what you want or do everything you want. I am not ready to embrace the bland foods I eat everyday but I will get there.

Summer of Sucess-Week 1 and the Parable of the GPS

Each summer we try to have a lot of fun but with a lot of learning intertwined. I want them to relax but I finally have them home to mold and shape. Mwahaha Okay I am not Franken-mommy but I do really value this time. We all slow down and melt on those really hot days! Not a fan of those hot days though! I let go of the busy schedules and we just play outside and read, read , and read some more! I start with a devotional each day. We do reading, writing and math every weekday. I am also spending a lot of time ,with my now first grader, learning to read. I found this free website progressivephonics.com. I hope that it will be a good fit for him.We will throw in potty training for my youngest because why not? I really don't like potty training. Not at all!

We started this week off by talking about what the kids were expecting and what I expected. Our devotionals this week all centered around choices. The kids have choices about how they use their time. I want to get our morning routine down because we struggled with it during the school year. I asked what they thought was important in the morning and we wrote those things down. We also talked about our family contributions and maintenance schedule. They need to keep their room tidy and do a chore. I asked them what did they want in there room? Also if they liked the way their room feels. I was pleasantly surprised that they wanted to clean up some areas and get organized! We also set boundaries for how long screen time should be. Basically we are getting ready for the long but relaxing trip that is Summer.

Here are a few of our devotionals this week
http://c586449.r49.cf2.rackcdn.com/stairways_and_superheroes.pdf- we talked about super heroes and villains and how they didn't start out being that way. They made choices that led to them becoming who they are.
http://www.ldsliving.com/FHE-Choice-Accountability/s/74698

Watch:wrong roads

 

https://fhelessons.wordpress.com/2013/04/04/how-to-use-spiritual-gps/

 

The parable of the GPS-

This last devotional is about our spiritual GPS. How we have the scriptures, Holy Ghost and words of the prophets to guide us. We had the opportunity to use a GPS this day. We went to a park that was closed for major construction. The kids were disappointed so I tried to find a new park that they would like on my GPS. Without my GPS I wouldn't know where new parks were and we would have went home disappointed. We went to 3 parks before we found one that the kids hadn't been to and was a good substitute for this other park. At least we didn't have to drive too far but I will admit, even though I had the GPS guiding me, I still doubted if the park it was taking me to was as good as the vision I had in my head. Sometimes we are taken to a place in our life that is "under construction" and we need to rethink where we want to go next. These are like the trials and disappointments in our lives. When we are asked to accept something or take a detour we weren't planning on. Our plan might be different from the Lord's plan. There are many times where we need to be patient and ask for guidance from our Heavenly Father. Then we move forward trust in in him and his plan and timing. It is also important, and bears mentioning, that once we know what we must do, we do it! We act on it even if doubt or opposition comes into our lives or hearts. This was the difference between Nephi and Laman and Lemuel. Laman and Lemual always complained and didn't try to know for themselves and Lehi and Nephi asked and then were obedient no matter what they were asked to do. See (1Nephi 1-8) It was a good lesson for me and the kids.



Next week I really want to focus on the kids setting their own goals. I am learning to do this better so it is kind of fun because we are learning together.

How I made it through a rough morning

There is no secret that I love to write. I have a journal I carry everywhere with me. I scribble my feelings. ideas, and a little bit of nonsense. I try so hard every day to battle the many thoughts and my illness that want to steal my happiness from me. I battle the overwhelm of my house and the four royal pains blessings in my life. Everyday is a choice for me! I am learning to take the punches even if they are in my gut.(not literally of course) Those kind of punches knock the wind out of me. They bring me to my knees. They make me ask the tough questions. Questions like: How am I going to get through this or what am I going to do? I am finding the answers and I am writing them down. Why? For you! For my kids. For anyone who is struggling and doesn't know where to start. For the lost and aching souls of Gods children. You!

My morning was rough. It often is. I often have to pry my sleepy eye lids open and lay there until my bladder says I have to move. It is painful because my joints are so stiff. Then I check on my kids and have to try to keep them on task. I have tried charts and telling them they can have extra time in the morning. It is always a rush to get them out the door. Today was no different. I got upset. Words were spoken to me that cut me like a knife. I proceeded to cry for the next half hour and of course now I am drained. I wrote rapidly to get all my thoughts down. A few tears stained the page. Scribble scribble stop! I stopped my negative thought train before it reached the station. Now that I got all that garbly gook out of my brain was this really where I wanted to go? It was like God told me to stop.

This last month I have really been trying to break negative thought patterns. It is tough! I have been listening to a hypnosis tape to release negativity every night. Well in that moment everything came to a halt and the way was clear. I had to break that thought pattern, Again I started writing but this time I switched to a positive track. It was amazing and so liberating. I literally felt that weight being lifted from my shoulders. It all starts with me. My thoughts and offense were not leading me where I wanted to go. Satan is winning as long as he can keep me feeling negative. I am no longer a victim! Let go of the control! Move on!

" And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord." Mosiah 24:15

Later we both were able to talk and listen and there was no fight. Just hugs and reconciliation. How amazing this experience was for me! There is no right way to break the cycle of negative thinking. I have just decided I don't want that anymore and I have been working on my own and with therapy to get it. You may not need therapy but it does require work on your part.

I came across this post from triumphlearning.com about being a thermostat or a thermometer in our home. It really spoke to me. I wish I had thought of it! A thermostat reacts to the atmosphere in the home and a thermostat determines it. I know I set the tone of my home no matter how crazy or messy my kids and home are. This is the choice I made this morning when I changed my negative thoughts into positive ones! This is how I made it through a rough morning!

How is your day going? Could you use a change for your thoughts and actions? Write down specific question you want to ask yourself when you don't know what to do? This morning I asked myself if what I was doing and feeling was leading to a solution to the problem or was creating more of a problem? I am a worrier so I almost always cause myself more grief than I need to.

How do you turn around a rough morning?

Is your life yummy or yucky? How do you know?

Candy is yummy. Too much Candy is yucky. Have you ever read those Yummy Yucky kid books? It is pretty straight forward really. Eating the wrong things can make you sick. Even too much of a good thing can make you sick. One of my kids has a major sweet tooth. He was at his Aunt and Uncles the other week and ate a full bag of candy. Well it didn't take long for his tummy to hurt and he was feeling pretty sick. I feel the same way when I read all the how to parent articles. Too much and I feel like I am the worst parent in the world. You could say it gives me a yucky feeling.

 I write these "How to" posts myself and so many others do as well. It does help to feel like you aren't alone in any given situation that you find yourself in. However, just like candy I need to stop after a couple of articles so that I don't feel overwhelmed. I feel like I have been doing the equivalent to eating myself into a sugar coma. I have been searching and searching for answers to it all, because I always see the big picture being a Type A personality. I am trying to catch up but I am putting too much pressure on myself and probably my family. I need to put away the magnifying glass that is making everything seem so large and unmanageable.

 So here is the question I have been pondering about. What is most important? What makes me feel yummy? Yucky? Ask yourself when you see your long list of things to get done.

What is most important? For me it has always been my family. Family is central to God's plan. Put down you lists or your phones and see what is most important to you. Pick up your child. Look out the window or step outside. Slow down.

Even if we manage to slow down and not make ourselves sick, things still can drive us crazy. Yes my house drives me crazy. But I am only giving it some of my time. The rest is for my family. I am going to stop walking around wanting to fix everything and everyone. If I try to control my kids I feel yucky. I am so worried about their future that I am missing their present. I am going to stop worrying so much about this child or that mess. Of course, I expect that I will keep making mistakes because we all do.

 We are also limited by our schedules, work, school, abilities, and illness. I was feeling these limitations last night and found comfort from the words of Gordon B Hinckley

"We also know that there need be no limits on enthusiasm, planning, thoughtful consideration and effort."

I can be as happy as I want to be. Some days I have to dig real deep. Heavenly Father put us on the earth to be happy. I do not have to let my circumstances inhibit my enthusiasm, planning or effort. I keep trying. Russell M. Nelson said "Men are that they might have joy- not guilt trips."

We can make ourselves feel yucky with guilt, shame, abuse, anxiety, depression and illness. How sad this world has become that we need to put on this facade that everything is okay. I thought I had to hold it all in and there wouldn't be a day that brought me to my knees and tears. I have been a victim of my life for so long. I have felt overwhelmed by my circumstances and my house.

Life is messy and many times yucky. We get mad. We cry. We hold too much inside.

My hope is that in my words you might say "Hey I do that too!

Life are appetizers of emotions and experience. Often times we taste the bitterness and sadness. We become full on these appetizers and can't enjoy our feast. Filling up on these negative emotions has only added to my despair and crippled me.

I hope that you can find what you need to let go of. It might be good but it might not be the right time.

My hope is that you speak out and not hold in the pain.

Find where you feel yucky. It is a balance. Even too much of good thing can make you feel yucky. Too much shame or worry. Too much cleaning. Too much busyness.

I paid the price with my health and piece of mind.

I am done feeling helpless. I am done letting my circumstances control me. I am done feeling yucky.

Break free from your past.

Learn to love others who have hurt you and love yourself.

Are you done? Do you feel yucky? What are you willing to do or give up to feel yummy again?

Mothers we are needed and we are loved

This week wasn't too bad. I was feeling pretty great Tuesday-Thursday. I was even able to take a trip to go to a funeral for my friends Mom. I did not know her Mom but I could tell that she was an amazing woman. I sat there thinking of what my kids would say about me.Would they remember the good times? Would they know that I loved them? I sit here now, thinking, drained and unsure of what my next step should be. I feel like I am fighting an uphill battle but it is muddy and I keep sliding.

I wanted to make a special memory tonight and instead of just sending my kids off to bed, I wanted to cuddle with all of them together. Me and my 4 little monkeys. It was so wonderful but one of my kids was not happy with me and wouldn't join us. It is always a fight.  I get on my knees and the tears flow down my face. I have been researching and gathering information to understand the why of my disease and why my child is struggling the way he is. I cry. I cry to release. I cry because I am so drained emotionally and physically. I hate that I lost it. I lost it because nothing I do seems to make a change. I cry because I am a sensitive soul. But I hate it when I cry! There is pain. So much pain. Mothers Day is a day I look forward to every year but this time I feel like there is not much to celebrate. Do I celebrate my failures? Do I look at the little battles I have won? I am exhausted and so ready for any change, even an inkling of one. Yes in many ways I am stronger than I was before. I am still fighting but I am so tired. Tired of feeling alone and misunderstood.

My child is misunderstood. He cries. We are not so different. We both struggle to fit these pieces of this puzzle we have been given with the ODD diagnosis.

He came to me. After I had decided this Mothers Day wasn't for me. My body ached and my shoulders slumped forward. He wrapped his arms around me and I fell into his arms. I felt like I was the last person my child wants to see. In an instant he became like a trusting infant, so sweet and loving.

I am not sure how many days we will be like today. Where I feel so helpless and unsure. Days where I cry and I search my scriptures and websites for answers.

I know that I am his Mother and he needs me. I am still broken and so is he. I am a Mother. I am Powerful. I can bring about change. I am crying now but because I know tomorrow will be a day to celebrate. We made it through today. There will be more good days. God is merciful and knows me and my children.

You Mothers out there. You are needed. You are not alone. I hope you all have a happy Mothers Day and celebrate what you do best. If you don't know ask in prayer and he will tell you. This is for all Mothers. Mothers to be. Mothers who lost. Children who lost their Mothers. Mothers who are waiting to be. We are Mothers who love and who are loved.

What a blustery day-tears, frustration and sweet release

I had a good session with my counselor yesterday. We discovered that I feel powerless in my life. So much is out of my control. I have been feeling like a victim of my own life for so long and I didn't even know it. Does anyone else feel this way? In my session I was reminded to set myself up for success and not failure. My thoughts have been leading me to failure. My thoughts might as well be a noose at times. What can someone being hanged do but stand there until the life is gone? Sorry to be morbid but I wanted to illustrate a point. That point is that my thoughts have been destructive and have been slowly choking the life out of me. It is hard to enjoy life on any consistent level. I hardly ever can maintain a peace of mind. I am often victim to thoughts of fear and worry. No one ever showed me how to cope with bad things that happen in life. So I have been surviving (barely) and not really coping. I don't like feeling this way but up until now didn't really know what to do to change. I have been exhausting my body and spirit with my subconscious and sometimes conscious thoughts. Worse is I feel that no one understands how I feel.  Why have I been making it so hard on myself?

Yesterday continued to be a mix of emotions that continued well into the night. I awoke at 3 a.m. to fierce wind storm. It knocked down trees and branches were all over the road. We sere supposed to go to a baby blessing at one so we delayed getting ready. We received a call at 10:50 that it was cancelled. We could still make our stake conference at 12 but we had to hurry. I knew if we tried we could make it. This is the power our thoughts can have. They can stop us in our tracks or make us scale mountains. They can rip through us like the wind can tear trees apart or tear them from the very roots that hold them grounded. As we drove we saw damage and areas that were out of power. We pressed on not knowing if it was cancelled. That is the power of thought. That is hope and faith!

Yesterday was definitely a stormy day inside and out. We were safe in our home while the wind worked its vengeance. I want to feel the same way when I am tossed by my emotions and circumstances. I keep telling my kids they have choices of what they can do. For example, they can clean their room and get to have friends over or have screen time or they don't. It is their choice. Ah ha! It is my choice to keep going down this negative and destructive thinking. I have a choice. I can feel empowered or I can continue to treat myself the same way I have been my whole life. I am done feeling powerless. Stick a fork in me because I am done!

When do you feel powerless? How does it make you feel? What are you willing to do to get what you want and need? When was the last time you checked on the thoughts floating in your mind? We can be calm in our own personal storms. We can stand tall like a mountain and not be moved!

I want to end with my favorite quote for when we are facing those stormy winds of life. I am not sure who originally said this.
"Sometimes God calms the storms, sometimes he lets the storm rage and calms me"

6 ways to detox from stress for you and your family

Ever wonder why some people are happy despite their circumstances? Some of us take to life more easily and others freak out? Bet you can't guess which one I am? ;) Yesterday was a rough day but I don't ever want to have one of those panic attacks again! I would say that is a major freak out wouldn't you? That is not how I want to feel anymore! No more stress, anxiety or depression. Can I do it? With time, yes! 5 years ago I was in a dark place. I have overcome so many obstacles already and no longer need medication for depression. This was my choice I wouldn't recommend this course of action if your doctor doesn't think it is right for you. I have developed a lot of skills and I will continue to develop them as a strive to navigate my way through this part of my life. My emotional and physical pain does not define me. It does not define you.

All these ailments on their own are manageable but all together I feel like I am walking in a mine field. Yesterday I hit a land mine and blew up. It is going to take a while to put all those pieces of me back together but I am getting stronger! It is okay if I take baby steps or crawl. I don't have to keep up. I can be an inspiration to others. I am courageous! I have been telling myself these things since yesterday and I feel them lifting me a little higher and to be a little better.

I had this visual come to me as I was sitting in the car waiting for my son at school. I saw all of all the areas in my life that I want to work on are like empty jars. I can try to add to one each day. I am making major deposits into my health jar but maybe my relationships or house need some love. Either way I am making effort in all areas. I then imagined at the end of the day I get to take all these jars and pour it into one big jar that I will call fulfillment. Pretty soon these jars are filled with all the little things that I have done through out my day. I get to recognize my efforts big or small. It is like the scripture says in Alma 36:7
" Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise."

I want to make giant leaps but first of all I have small legs. I am what they call "vertically challenged" My steps are not as big as others. I always have to ask my husband to slow down. He doesn't act like it is a big imposition and we usually walk arm and arm. Every time I want to take a giant step God says "slowdown."

If I listen I won't step on the land mine and blow up. If I don't then my emotions get the best of me. I am so touched by all the messages and texts I have received from friends and family. I promise I am okay and I write the good and the bad in hopes to help someone. I have that hunger to grow and be better and with each step I am closer to getting out of this land mine.

All of us need to stop feeling guilty and compare ourselves to others. Feeling shame, stress, guilt or low self worth are all things that will trip us up and land us into a land mine. We need a detox from all this stress. It is like saying I am not going to take another step in this mine field until I am sure I can continue. It isn't safe to drive when you are tired and it isn't safe to deal with emotions when you are overly stressed. It is okay to retreat and deal with pain, loss, illness or pure exhaustion. Here is what I suggest. Take a week or how ever long you need and make these things a priority. I think it might take months but you tailor it to you.

1. Choose from this point forward that you will try to remain positive. Don't be hard on yourself if you think negatively. Just recognize that it is lie and keep going.
2. Spend as much time with your family unplugged. Don't think about your to do list or if you have to be somewhere just enjoy every minute. Go outside together, read books and scriptures together.
3. Rediscover what helps you relax. I tried tai chi this morning and was surprised at how much I liked it. I am still a hug advocate of yoga though. Take time each day to distress. Pick a time and stick to it. I have been thinking about doing yoga with my kids before bed again.
4. Reduce toxic loads. What are you and your families triggers. Is there any allergies and sensitivities. Allergies can take a long time to discover so take your time with this. Gluten, sugar and dairy are common culprits. Again take a break from all screens.  
5. Reduce clutter- Get the whole family on board and make a plan. Reduce emotional clutter too.
6. Hold a family meeting daily to discuss only the positives that have seen with these changes and encourage everyone to keep going. This won't work unless you get everyone on board in your household. Write fun things to do together inside and outside the home.

Dealing with stress and fixing pain can take time and is to be treated very carefully. This should be healing for you and your family. It should be tiny steps not giant leaps. Let us settle down and let God make up the where we still have to go. Be patient. Be loving. Learn what defines you and what you can begin to let go of.