Friday, February 2, 2018

3 way to let go without forcing

I have always been a person who gets frustrated when I can't do something or figure something out fast enough. I was like that as a kid. I have always been so tight. A big stress ball. My mom told me that one day at recess she watched me play dodge ball. She said that I closed my eyes and tightened up when the ball was thrown every time. When I would get out she saw me physically relax and let go. Needless to say I was a tense kid at school and at home. At night my Mom would have to sing to me and rub my arm to calm me down. I can't really do that to myself but it works like a charm😉.

 
 
Since I have started listening to my body more I have noticed how alone and weighted down I feel some days. I just want the pain, the piles of things not getting done because I am sick or too tired, to go away ,but it doesn't. I have heard that what you resist persists. Like a needy person always hanging around.What we focus on grows. I see this neediness in my kids sometimes that no matter how much time and attention I give to them, its not enough. They want more. This is how it feels today with the projects, self care and self improvement I am attempting to do. It feels like a needy child that whatever I give isn't enough.The house will never get clean. I will never finish. There is not enough time.
 
 What is a reoccurring thought that you are resisting? Why are you resisting it? I believe a lot of times we resist because we are fearful and wanting to be done with what is ailing us or weighing heavily on our mind. Why do we hold on so hard and have trouble letting go?
 
I was also told how sensitive I was and that I shouldn't cry or I should be able to get over something. Those who told me this meant well, but that became a big trigger for me and a ding in my self esteem armor. Our sense of self protects us from slander and negative arrows thrown at us daily. But if we don't have much of an armor then it all becomes an attack and sinks deep into our heart and becomes a belief of who we are. What did they know? All of us big or small are just trying to make sense of our world and to feel safe. So why did I ever let someone who is struggling to know who they are themselves to have any effect on how I felt about me? Surely there is more inside than what they see on the outside. We are sons and daughters of God and shouldn't be beating ourselves up or believing others who don't realize the pain they are causing.

 I want to share with you 3 way that you can stop resisting your true feelings and start to let go. Imagine it like a balloon. You fill that balloon with all your worries, insecurities and old beliefs that don't serve you anymore. Fill it up and then let it go. Watch it go up into the sky until you can't see it anymore. Letting go like this feels natural and freeing and there is no forcing. I don't want you to be a stress ball like me as a little girl tense and waiting to be knocked down. The 3 ways to let go without forcing are 1)Learn to give up expectations 2) Be able to speak words of validation and affirmation. 3) Make self care a priority.
 
 
1)Learn to give up expectations on how you should or shouldn't feel or what you should or shouldn't get done. Perfection drives expectations which then drives frustration and overwhelm. You can't do anything well when you are overwhelmed. I have talked before of what happens when overwhelm is in the drivers seat. A lot of bad driving that is what! Swerving and honking and cursing and only stopping if it wants too. You have to give up what your day should look like and how much time you have or don't have. You have to give up labels that others gave you.
 
2)Be able to speak words of validation and affirmation to ourselves. I have found that a lot of our pain comes from needing validation or that things will be okay but we often don't hear it. Why not tell yourself how proud you are of you and what you are doing well. When I started doing this I no longer looked for it from others and I got more compliments from them anyway. Another thing you can do is to pray and ask God how he feels about you. He won't hurt you or leave you comfortless but you have to ask.
 
3) Lastly, you need to be doing self care. It needs to be in our schedules like an appointment. It is important because you can't do the inner work if your vessel is breaking down. You can't get to your destination if your check engine light is on in your car or you have a leaky gas tank and no energy. Self care is a must!

Start implementing these 3 thing in your life and you will be amazed at what wants to be freed. You will feel lighter and free to be you and create a better life for you and others around you each and every day.

 

Thursday, January 25, 2018

How to use Affirmations effectively and just for you!

Perhaps by now you have heard of affirmations. It is basically a way to flip your old negative script(stories you tell yourself) to a more positive one. The fact that it is repetitious allows it to start to change your brains neural pathways and make new ones! This is important for your goals too! Affirm it. State it as a fact. It is like you have already reached that goal and you are living it. Declare it strongly and with energy. That way what you want knows you want it and can find you! I am statements are powerful. For example, I am a clean person or I am a healthy person who exercises everyday. I am enough. I am calm and confident.

You are probably looking at these affirmations I used as an example and thinking that is random or that won't work for me. I get it. I tried affirmations many times before expecting a huge change and nothing happened. Well, actually the one thing that did happen is I immediately scoffed and said yeah that is not true! They didn't work because they were someone else's not personal to me. It wasn't until someone explained what affirmations do and how to set them that it worked!! It worked over time, little by little, and over much repetition and adjusting my affirmations.




Here is how you write an affirmation. I like to start with what I already know to be true. What am I good at or positive attributes about me. Then I write I am beautiful. I am a mentor and friend. By doing this your brain won't reject it because it is about you. It is a truth about you. Then when you get in the habit of reading your affirmations you can start working on deeper limiting beliefs(beliefs holding you back in some way) and negative thoughts. Expect your mind to fight you on this! Think about it? You have thought this way probably since you were a child. That is where we form most of out beliefs. These beliefs often don't serve us anymore as adults. So these beliefs are blocking you from who you really are and what you can really do. Affirmations break that block. It isn't like a wrecking ball kind of break more like chiseling away to let things in. You can even tell yourself I am choosing to believe new things about myself every day. Affirmations are great for goals which is what we are trying to achieve. Sometimes when start to dig things come up that you may need to work through before you can work on your goals. Keep trying them. You will find ones that make you feel lighter and tingly all over an then you know you are on the right track.They really are powerful when they are just for you!




One final tip! Write them down and use them. They won't do what they are meant to do when you don't use them regularly.

Okay one more! If you really want them to be powerful you can add visualization to them. To make both even more powerful add a positive emotion with it. Affirmations are not a quick fix.This all takes time and practice.

Here are the previous posts for claim your harvest
1.Claim your harvest for 2018
2.2 ways to clarify what you want
3.Lay it out and let it go


C-Clarity-Be clear on what you want and what you are willing to do to get it
L-Lay it out. Write it down and put your goals in a place you can see. Take away the urgency and perfectionism of it. Just let it be messy. Its like we are digging in the dirt and planting the seeds.
A-Affirm it -State it as a fact. It is like you have already reached that goal and you are living it. Declare it strongly and with energy. That way what you want knows you want it and can find you! I am statements are powerful. I am a clean person. Or I am a healthy person who exercises everyday.
I-Intention.Have a plan of action. Do something small like putting your shoes by your bed so you are ready to go on a walk. Clean a small area and be proud of what you did. Then build on that. Small actions bring about great things.
M-Move towards your goal again with the end in mind(your harvest). Keep moving forward no matter the obstacles and stumbling blocks in your way.

Saturday, December 30, 2017

Lay it out and let it go-Why you should write goals down

The last few posts I have talked about claiming you harvest. Your harvest is what you have been working towards and waiting to grow just for you in 2018! You can watch the video on claiming your harvest on my Facebook page. You can also read about the last 2 posts if you missed them.
1.Claim your harvest for 2018
2.2 ways to clarify what you want

The first step to making our goals and dreams is to C clarify. Get clear on what you want.

Most of us groan when we think about goals. Yet goals are really important. However most of us do not write them down. When we leave them in our minds they take up much needed space in our heads. Goals do no good if they just float around in your head.  Your goals and you stay stuck in your progression unless you write them down. The act of writing on paper we activate the left and right parts of our brain and open it up to be more creative. We have the power to create what we want in our lives. Writing tells our whole body that we are serious and really want this! From our head to our toes kind of tingling wanting it! L in claiming our harvest is laying it out on paper and letting go of things that keep us stuck.

 Writing our goals down is like making a target with a bulls eye. The act of writing them down is like looking ahead and focusing on that target. By writing your goals down it changes your daily focus to those goals more and more. Can you see it happening? Not yet? Just wait! When you write and schedule time for those goals things just happen and resources just show up! So write it down and then take your aim! If you miss that is okay. Failure is part of making goals and claiming the best year ever!

The trick for goal setting is to aim high. This means you dream bigger to start with. After all you want to hit the bulls eye right? You also want to make sure that your bow is in working order. You are like the bow.You can't shoot with a broken bow. So always make sure you are in working order first. Your health, diet and exercise matter in order to fulfill your dreams. Steven R. Covey calls it sharpening the saw.

2% of Americans actually write their goals down.

 That is a lot of dreamers but not very much action. To act you have to remind yourself of what you are aiming for. Remember we talked about clarity? There is no better way to get clarity than to have clearly defined goals. Put them where you can see it. This provides constant reminders of what you want and makes creating priorities much easier. Your goals becomes more concrete and attainable and less like reaching for the stars. You also free up your mind when those dreams aren't floating around in there. More room to dream and create whatever you want.

Most importantly when distractions and obstacles come along that want to keep you stuck you have something like a G.P.S. to help get you there. Knowing what you want gives you power. It empowers you to take the next step. Take away the urgency and perfection from it. This is easier said than done. However, when we are aware that urgency and perfection are modes to keep us overwhelmed and stuck they can lose their power. We can call them out for what they are! Another thing to remember is very few people make it on their first try. We often fail. But with failure we learn to adjust and take aim again. Successful people keep trying after they fail because they actually get closer to their target each time they do. Failure can actually give you needed feedback to move forward and hit your target.

" Goals are no more than dreams being made into reality." Kristianne Rushton
 
 
 
C-Clarity-Be clear on what you want and what you are willing to do to get it
L-Lay it out. Write it down and put your goals in a place you can see. Take away the urgency and perfectionism of it. Just let it be messy. Its like we are digging in the dirt and planting the seeds.
A-Affirm it -State it as a fact. It is like you have already reached that goal and you are living it. Declare it strongly and with energy. That way what you want knows you want it and can find you! I am statements are powerful. I am a clean person. Or I am a healthy person who exercises everyday.
I-Intention.Have a plan of action. Do something small like putting your shoes by your bed so you are ready to go on a walk. Clean a small area and be proud of what you did. Then build on that. Small actions bring about great things.
M-Move towards your goal again with the end in mind(your harvest). Keep moving forward no matter the obstacles and stumbling blocks in your way.


Tuesday, December 26, 2017

2 ways to Clarify what you want in 2018

Winter is a time of year to rest, focus on maintenance and get ready for the harvest and new buds of your hard work and nurturing. This process of setting goals can't be rushed. First you have to be clear on what you want for this new year. Not what you don't want but what you truly want. I wanted to go more in detail with each part of CLAIM for claim your harvest.
 C is for clarify. What is this word clarity and what does this have to do with us Moms? What would it feel like to wake up with energy and know what you are going to do today? What would it feel like if you were clear on your goals and not reactive... to whatever happens during your day? What do you really want? Where do you see your self in a year, 5, 10 or at the end of your life? What will really matter? I suggest 2 ways to get clear on what you really want. Clear the fog and get clear on what you are planting for 2018! See the video here

Have you ever driven in fog? It is hard to see the car in front of you. I remember a trip through Bakersfield the fog was so thick we couldn't not travel through it. We had to stay the night until it cleared out. Sometimes we lose our vision and we can't see clearly the path we want to take. This can be caused by too many options, perfection, and fear. What is keeping your vision foggy? To discover our vision again it is important for it to be truly defined and clear. You could ask the questions at the beginning of this post. A few other questions you can ask is what makes you feel alive, fulfilled? What went well last year that you could take care of into next year? Low levels of clarity effects not only our vision but our motivation. It keeps us stuck and paralyzed.

Once you have a vision of what you want. It is time to plant the seeds. These seeds are like your ideas and goals. You don't want to just take seeds and throw them on the ground. Who knows what will grow and where. You have to follow the planting instructions and plant them in rows and with seeds that are the same. It is like this with our goals. You have to be intentional of what you are planting and what will grow. This is where picking a specific area in your life you want to grow and get better works best. Common areas to grow is health, family, finances, spiritual, physical. Another way you can do this if focus on the roles or the many "hats" you wear. For example, Mother, daughter, friends, Spouse and so on.Try to pick only a few areas to work on and take care of. Weeds are bound to pop up. Set backs, lack of motivation, negative self talk, and perfectionism creep up too. When we get better at tending our little garden we can add more the next time because our confidence will have grown along with strong healthy habits and dreams.

Once we let the fog clear and we know what we are going to plant we are well on our way to enjoying a plentiful harvest. It takes some planning and reminding ourselves what we are growing and moving towards. Get some clarity and some clear seeds/ideas to plant and it can be your best year ever!

C-Clarity-Be clear on what you want and what you are willing to do to get it
L-Lay it out. Write it down and put your goals in a place you can see. Take away the urgency and perfectionism of it. Just let it be messy. Its like we are digging in the dirt and planting the seeds.
A-Affirm it. State it as a fact. It is like you have already reached that goal and you are living it. Declare it strongly and with energy. That way what you want knows you want it and can find you! I am statements are powerful. I am a clean person. Or I am a healthy person who exercises everyday.
I-Intention.Have a plan of action. Do something small like putting your shoes by your bed so you are ready to go on a walk. Clean a small area and be proud of what you did. Then build on that. Small actions bring about great things

M-Move towards your goal again with the end in mind(your harvest). Keep moving forward no matter the obstacles and stumbling blocks in your way.
Ecology, Environment, Garden, Gardening, Glasshouse

Friday, December 22, 2017

Top 5 posts for 2017

This year has definitely been ones of challenge and digging deep to be more than my diagnosis and to discover what my message and legacy I want to share with the world is. So many people have brought me to this place of acceptance and discovery for my illnesses and for things that I didn't know but wish I had. That is part of the reason I have this blog is to help others not have to make the same mistakes or to recover quicker. For these people in my life I am grateful. I am grateful to the Lord for being there and guiding me on this new path of so much unknown.

Here is a look back at the posts that meant something to you and I am glad to be a part of your journey. What would you want me to talk about this new year? What matters to you? Anything new or that I should elaborate more?

1.Top post for this year was: The path of healing is a long and joyful journey

2.This was from last year but it had to make the cut: I am the storm

3.How to have the life you want when everything is a mess

4.Something old and something new: old battles and new challenges

5.How to trust when you don't know how

This is still the top blog post of all time.3 ways to bring balance back to life. What do you like about this one? What could I go into more detail on?
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Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Claim your harvest (goals) for 2018

Christmas is almost here! I hope that everyone has been enjoying the joy and light that comes this time of year. I could just do without the cold. How about you?

I came up with a way to hopefully make it through the winter and inspire you to be mindful and ready to jump into 2018. Most of us grumble when we think of setting goals that we aren't going to finish anyway. That is a horrible way to start the new year and guaranteed to start a downward  spiral of guilt and negative self talk. We can't start a journey with our ox already in the mire. Here is how I like to think of it. Amazing things are waiting for you. They are lined up and waiting for you! How does that sound. All you have to do is show up and claim it. Claim what exactly? Your harvest. What you have been working towards and waiting to grow just for you! You can  watch the video on my Facebook page.

What can you do to claim your goals and dreams?
C-Clarity-Be clear on what you want and what you are willing to do to get it
L-Lay it out. Write it down and put your goals in a place you can see. Take away the urgency and perfectionism of it. Just let it be messy. Its like we are digging in the dirt and planting the seeds.
A-Affirm it. State it as a fact. It is like you have already reached that goal and you are living it. Declare it strongly and with energy. That way what you want knows you want it and can find you! I am statements are powerful. I am a clean person. Or I am a healthy person who exercises everyday.
I-Intention.Have a plan of action. Do something small like putting your shoes by your bed so you are ready to go on a walk. Clean a small area and be proud of what you did. Then build on that. Small actions bring about great things.

Alma 37:6
6 Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.
M-Move towards your goal again with the end in mind(your harvest). Keep moving forward no matter the obstacles and stumbling blocks in your way.

I can't wait to finish planting my seeds and see what grows within the next few months. What about you?

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Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Hope, a light through lifes storms

Since Friday my body has ached with a storm on its way. It arrived Monday and it was a tough day for pain and for Depression. Storms come and go. But the ones inside each of us seem to be more intense and longer. Luckily the storm passed and today was sunny. I love when the clouds break through and the sun shines again. Monday was a good reminder for me that I live my life in recovery and I have to use the tools I have to cope and overcome these days. It wasn't long ago that all I knew was darkness and storms. It felt like the clouds would never part. It felt relentless and that I was being pushed down by the darkness and fear.

One day the clouds did part for me. That is not something you forget. Every day it felt like I was drowning and finally on that day of light and hope I could breathe. I could see the light. With a break in the clouds came a breakthrough. It was an instant when hopelessness turned to hope and I turned to the light and bathed in its warmth. I had forgotten what it felt like to let things through especially the love and comfort our Heavenly Father can give us. What I learned was that my thoughts were not my reality and I could challenge them. How many of you feel or have felt like the barrage of thoughts will never stop? That each day will be a struggle and surrounded in darkness and defeat?

Today I was talking to my friend and I had another big breakthrough. Amidst the darkness it is not surprising how alone one can feel. What I didn't realize that this is a belief I still carry with me. Did you get Goosebumps? I know I did when I realized that this limiting belief was something I didn't need anymore and I could let it go! Imagine letting such a heavy burden go! It felt amazing! That feeling that it is all up to me to make things better for myself and others. Ultimately, my efforts and others efforts weren't recognized. I found myself saying I have to clean this house all by myself. I have to change_____ behavior. I have to control and hide my own feelings of inadequacy. Can any of you relate? It felt like a huge weight had been lifted and the clouds of hopelessness parted and hope shone through again. I was able to let go of such negative energy I have carried for I don't know how long.

Do you feel alone? Do you think it is possible to let go of the burdens you carry? What are you carrying that is weighing you down? What can you give to the Savior? You can! He already paid the price and he is standing with open arms. Imagine it! He is right there with open arms waiting for you to ask him to take this burden. Can you feel his love? He must have told me so many times that I wasn't alone but I couldn't hear it or see it.

When I was diagnosed and wondering what to do next there was nothing that I knew of to help me know what to do next. I didn't know that my thoughts were a cage or there was things I had control over. I just want you to know when you come here you can lean on me and learn what you can do. There is hope when you feel you can't make it another day. God knows. I know. Even if you don't know how he can lift that burden find one of his earthly angels who does. Thoughts of hopelessness, darkness despair and feeling alone can be challenged even when in the grips of mental illness. There is a light and beacon of hope that will light your path however dark it may seem. Allow it. Pray for it. You are never alone!
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