I noticed that it was a little too quiet during quiet time. I don't know where my toddler got a highlighter but guess what my little artist did? My walls within a few seconds were the proud display for my child's artwork. Not to mention my Kindergartner had previously written his name all over his room too. He is getting quite good with that. Well my little creators got to scrub the walls as a result. It took a while too! Some areas they really had to scrub. As a parent I have moments where I to try something new and it ends up in a mess and relationships damaged. Unlike my wall, my children have feelings, although sometimes they are a stubborn as a brick wall, it takes a little more elbow grease and had work to fix my mistake.
Mistakes do not have to be permanent. That is something that I am learning. The relationship between a child and a parent can be symbiotic. Children are training to be adults but we can learn a lot from our children. Each child is a work of art. Each is unique and beautiful. Yes, they make my hair turn grey and my blood boil, but they are precious.When admiring any masterpiece you need to take a step back and think of what is being interpreted there. If we stop in our tracks and ask our child how he/she is doing physically, spiritually or emotionally we might understand them a little better. It is like taking that step back. Each vibrant color, each stroke can be like an emotion that your child feels. If you can ask about their artwork or how their life looks from their own eyes, you can learn more about your child and how they work.The hard part is coming up with the right questions and this takes practice. One question I always ask is what is most important here and what do I want to teach?
Your relationship is what matters.I felt like a had a break through with one of my children a couple of days ago. This child was grounded from screen time because of failing to turn in their homework. This is baffling to me because they do the work and then not turn it in? What? Is their back pack a black hole or something?My child decided they were going to sneak into their room and play video games anyway. Again it was too quiet and my mommy senses were tingling, The door was shut when I checked on them. I opened the door hoping to see my children reading or playing well together. Instead I saw the infraction mentioned above. I was mad. It is really not that difficult to be mad at your kids. It is scary how easy it is really. It is like a chemical reaction. Take one or two disobedient children add anger and bubble bubble toil and trouble. I was mad but I didn't ground him further or yell. I just said I was disappointed and I would need to think about what action I needed to take. I prayed for help and guidance and a few minutes later, calm and collected, I called my child. I don't remember all that was said the words just came but I asked questions and finally asked if he/she knew what they did was wrong. The tears rolling down this sweet child's face said it all. Then I said do you think me taking away another day of video games would teach you anything? What punishment do you think you should have? Stunned I am sure my child said they would pray about it. Later we agreed on a punishment that was fitting. It was a real eye opener for both of us.
I have been thinking about this experience a lot lately. It is so easy to treat our children like objects that are broken. They don't need fixing. They need our hugs our gentle touch and words. They are not the problems they cause but a spirit and son and daughter of God. Anger is unstable. This is true whether you are the parent or the child. Anger is a tool of destruction. It dismantles the relationship bit by bit. Then, you have to put it back together again and hope it isn't damaged beyond repair. We do not want our children feeling like there is something wrong with them do we? In my opinion, raising a child to feel loved even when they make mistakes, is one of the most significant things a parent can do. They will grow up feeling loved and raise happy grand children for you. That is my focus. I want to see their strengths, not their weaknesses.Does it feel weird to ask your child if they feel loved? It did a little for me at first too! It made me realize maybe I need to implement a time to talk. A time less like an interview.
More time away from distractions.
More time to listen.
More time to snuggle and breathe in these quiet moments.
Just the two of us.
begun in the womb.
This time we are being reborn. A new relationship.
A new masterpiece.
What is one step you can take to fix or strengthen one of your relationships with your child? Don't wait for the right time. The right time is now!