Sunday, May 1, 2016

What a blustery day-tears, frustration and sweet release

I had a good session with my counselor yesterday. We discovered that I feel powerless in my life. So much is out of my control. I have been feeling like a victim of my own life for so long and I didn't even know it. Does anyone else feel this way? In my session I was reminded to set myself up for success and not failure. My thoughts have been leading me to failure. My thoughts might as well be a noose at times. What can someone being hanged do but stand there until the life is gone? Sorry to be morbid but I wanted to illustrate a point. That point is that my thoughts have been destructive and have been slowly choking the life out of me. It is hard to enjoy life on any consistent level. I hardly ever can maintain a peace of mind. I am often victim to thoughts of fear and worry. No one ever showed me how to cope with bad things that happen in life. So I have been surviving (barely) and not really coping. I don't like feeling this way but up until now didn't really know what to do to change. I have been exhausting my body and spirit with my subconscious and sometimes conscious thoughts. Worse is I feel that no one understands how I feel.  Why have I been making it so hard on myself?

Yesterday continued to be a mix of emotions that continued well into the night. I awoke at 3 a.m. to fierce wind storm. It knocked down trees and branches were all over the road. We sere supposed to go to a baby blessing at one so we delayed getting ready. We received a call at 10:50 that it was cancelled. We could still make our stake conference at 12 but we had to hurry. I knew if we tried we could make it. This is the power our thoughts can have. They can stop us in our tracks or make us scale mountains. They can rip through us like the wind can tear trees apart or tear them from the very roots that hold them grounded. As we drove we saw damage and areas that were out of power. We pressed on not knowing if it was cancelled. That is the power of thought. That is hope and faith!

Yesterday was definitely a stormy day inside and out. We were safe in our home while the wind worked its vengeance. I want to feel the same way when I am tossed by my emotions and circumstances. I keep telling my kids they have choices of what they can do. For example, they can clean their room and get to have friends over or have screen time or they don't. It is their choice. Ah ha! It is my choice to keep going down this negative and destructive thinking. I have a choice. I can feel empowered or I can continue to treat myself the same way I have been my whole life. I am done feeling powerless. Stick a fork in me because I am done!

When do you feel powerless? How does it make you feel? What are you willing to do to get what you want and need? When was the last time you checked on the thoughts floating in your mind? We can be calm in our own personal storms. We can stand tall like a mountain and not be moved!

I want to end with my favorite quote for when we are facing those stormy winds of life. I am not sure who originally said this.
"Sometimes God calms the storms, sometimes he lets the storm rage and calms me"

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