Most days though I am more like Oh in the movie Home. He is a Boov that along with his species takes over Earth and moves all the humans away. He forms a unexpected bond with a human girl who was left behind. At one point Tip, the human girl, puts on music and it makes Oh dance. He feels ashamed and says he has to cool his core. To do this he jumps out of a hover car over the ocean. That shame and depression likes to creep in their every minute of every day. I have to be so careful and change my thoughts as quickly as I can so I do not have to go to my room and cry until I fall asleep. I too have to cool my core but that is okay. I am learning a lot about shame and about what my triggers are. With each successful step I am getting closer to not being tossed about by every whirlwind, but instead I can hold my ground. Again this is all very hard and requires me to be ever vigilant. It means I can never, not once let my guard down and think that things are getting better. Then I stop or get relaxed about what is really going on until that whirlwind picks me up and tosses me around for a while. I have to be relentless in fighting all that comes at me on a daily basis. Now to you it may sound like a prison to always be fighting something. It is definitely exhausting! But if I don't fight who will? God helps me in the battles but he can't fight them for me or for you!
Knowing that I have been a big contributor in my overall decline helps me to never want to go there again. I don't want to feel like a victim or wonder when things are going to get better. When I was diagnosed with Celiac I was never again tempted to eat wheat. I feel the same way about my thoughts. Now that I know that my thoughts have such an impact for pain I don't want to think so negatively anymore. My life is beating me up enough and I don't want to help it. I can keep working on my thoughts. I can keep working on my health. I can stop putting up with the disabling side effects of fibromyalgia. I can accept that I have limits and work within them.
There are speed limit signs everywhere you look to remind you how fast you should be going. If you go over the speed limit you can get a ticket. If we push ourselves and stress ourselves we are going to fast and we need to find a speed that is right. Whether you have a chronic condition or not each of us has to slow down to what our bodies are telling us. Maybe we come to a Stop sign or caution sign. I have learned to listen to the Holy Ghost to tell if I am going the speed that I should. It is amazing if I just take time to listen. Like it says D&C 11:12-14
12 And now, verily, verily, I say unto thee, put your trust in that Spirit which leadeth to do good—yea, to do justly, to walk humbly, to judge righteously; and this is my Spirit.
13 Verily, verily, I say unto you, I will impart unto you of my Spirit, which shall enlighten your mind, which shall fill your soul with joy;
14 And then shall ye know, or by this shall you know, all things whatsoever you desire of me, which are pertaining unto things of righteousness, in faith believing in me that you shall receive.
I don't like where I have been so I am not going back. What about your life is driving you crazy or that you have lost control? Where are you stuck? What are you willing to do to get to where you want to be? You can do it! I believe in you!