How to throw a helpful pity party and then move on

Over the weekend I was able to see some dear friends of mine. It was so wonderful and reminded me what it feels like not to fight your way into a social circle like your are fighting a whirlpool in the ocean. Feeling alone and like you just don't fit in can feel a lot like you are being sucked into a vortex or something. Maybe it feels different to you I don't know. I do not want to say that I don't have friends in my neighborhood because I have wonderful friends! It is just new friendships. These fragile new relationships are not ready to hear all my crazy. A new friendship is like a tiny seed. You can't dump a ton of water on it and expect it to survive. I bet each of you can think of that one friend who you can let your guard down and spill your guts to. No matter how much time has gone by you feel like you can pick up where you left off. I miss that! These women that I am around are like super woman to me. It wouldn't be fair to complain and fall apart on them. Would it? I don't know. Why don't I know? Well it happened today. I was at church and feeling so overwhelmed and smothered by how I was feeling emotionally and physically that I had to go somewhere quiet before my internal screams became external ones. That would be humiliating and embarrassing, not to mention disrupting. I don't think I would have screamed audibly but I wasn't going to take a chance.

I found a place to sit and pray and wait for the pain to go away. Instead a friend of mine came in and so we chatted. Yay! I needed a distraction. She then asked me how I was doing?  Noooo! Why? I am fine until someone asks me that! I don't know what to do. Yes I need to talk but, again, it is a can of crazy mixed up emotions they are opening. Uh oh! Here come the water works. Okay yes, now I am totally blowing it on keeping it cool. Now what do I say?

How many of you have been in that situation? It is like a huge nuclear meltdown at the power plant that is your mind. This meltdown I wasn't really able to talk it out and after she left I wondered if I should have said anything.

 Pity party for one.

When I made it home and cooking 3 different lunches a knock came at my door. Another friend was at my door because that first friend ratted on me. Ha Ha. So sweet right? On the plus side, just them caring does make some of the ache go away. I don't know what to do when I hurt from head to toe and my emotions are out of my control. It might be time to go back on medication but I hate being in a fog all day! So much out of my control. Grrrrr!It makes me so mad! There is someone out there that feels like I do. I know it. For right now though I am not ready to spill the beans. Why me? I know we ALL ask ourselves this when we have a hard day or when life is just hard in general. So if you are like me here is what you do.  Throw a party!

1. Get some paper or your computer and just write. It is good to get it out, especially if you don't feel like talking.
2. Grab your favorite treat like chocolate or any comfort food really.
3. Watch a movie or listen to music.
4. Wrap up in a blanket or put on a cozy sweater.
5. Most importantly, remember that you always have tomorrow! It is a new and hopefully brighter day.So lets move on...

Check please!

 If your feelings aren't drowned out by the above suggestions you may need medical help. Depression is not a joke! I know I suffer from it!  Seek medical help quickly if you suspect that you do. It okay to have your party but then, check yourself  out of this party for one.

Oh yes I can eat the whole thing if I want to!