Monday, March 14, 2016

What can you do when the odds are against you?

I have written and stopped so many posts lately. Nothing seems to want to come out the way I want it to or that doesn't sound completely crazy. You don't want the ranting of a lunatic do you? I think not! Here is what I am giving you instead. This weekend I took a step back to try to make sense of what is going on in my life right now. The thought that kept coming to my mind is "Look how many times you have beat the odds and you can beat this too!

What does it mean to beat the odds? To me, beating the odds means that whatever it is that you are going through, all the signs seem to say it will be impossible to achieve. This obstacle in your way is too enormous to overcome. I can look back at my life and see many mountains I have already climbed and it was nothing short of a miracle! You could say I have beat the odds many times. Yet the odds continue still against me. As a little girl I stood strong while I was bullied at school. I never felt like I fit in. I struggled with fatigue and migraines. I believe I have always had depression even though I wasn't diagnosed until my late 20's.I struggled with school and keeping up. As a teenager I struggled to get out of an abusive situation. There were several wonderful people who gave me shelter and strength. Even my husband as a teenager broke his neck and heard a nurse say he wasn't going to make it. But he beat those odds because he is still here!

I moved from home to date my husband and felt alone and out of place. I still do some times! Several years ago I was diagnosed with Celiac and depression. Every day I am fighting the odds of depression or my Fibromyalgia winning. I may not beat those obstacles until my dying day but I still live courageously with them. I fight these mental and autoimmune diseases like a fierce lion! I also have days where I can't fight anymore and I can't get out of bed. We see people beating the odds everyday against cancer, or having a premature baby making it! Through it all I have miraculously made it through with the Savior by my side. He let me struggle within for the answers but if I allowed him to, he comforted me and guided my path.

I need him more than ever as I fight battles in my home. One of my kids has been diagnosed with oppositional defiance disorder or (ODD) Literally the odds are against me! Have you had to deal with a defiant child? Most of us can say yes to that! However with ODD it is a mood disorder and that person can be very unpredictable, like the weather here in Utah! I have been wanting to beat my head against a wall these last couple of years. I have felt ashamed and like a failure as a parent I kept asking what I was doing wrong.I sometimes isolate myself from other families so I don't feel judged or humiliated. I am exhausted and once again find myself treading in unfamiliar waters. However,when it comes to my kids I am not willing to gamble with the odds. I have to beat them!

Today I searched the Internet for someone else who is going through something like this. I am happy to say I did find someone! It is nice not to feel alone. I have however, because of trying to stay calm been holding in a lot of stress and now I am in the middle of vicious flare. It feels like I am in the water surrounded by sharks! How can someone beat those odds?.....

Underneath this water of emotions is more to explore. I have to dig deep and face my fear and whatever else is hiding down there! As parents we have to make tough decisions and sometimes I have had it!!My child pushes that button and I get angry. Anger is a form of control. The more I try to stay the calm the more I see other family members being rocked by anger. Anger has not gotten us anywhere. Anger is that last ditch effort to keep the control and it is an strong addiction like drugs or alcohol. So now we add addiction to our obstacles.

No matter what is before us we can't give up! Mental illness is everywhere. Most who suffer do it in silence. I used to think I couldn't say anything.The odds are against me once again or at least that is what the devil himself would like me to think. He is very tricky! When the odds are against you take some advice from Dory the fish and "just keep swimming!" No matter what happens just keep swimming! You have to dig deep within yourself and find the answers. Remember God is with us and we are not the only fish in this sea of trials and problems. We have each other and you have me! Keep working on that happiness blueprint to build the life you want and just keep swimming!

Here is a little clip of just keep swimming to give encouragement and for you to enjoy!

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