Somethings old and something new-old battles and new challenges

Hi there! It has been a while since I have written. I am alive still but living on a prayer! Really!!! I feel that there is so much that I need God's help with right now. I am constantly trying to check in with prayer and see how I am doing and feeling. We had General Conference  just a few weeks ago and like always it filled my soul and buoyed up my faith. I know that faith cane be built upon by our experiences. When we have a faith promoting experience we can remember it. That is why General Conference is so powerful for me.

 I also felt like there was some really good challenges issued. First, Russell M Nelson issued a challenge to read everything in the scriptures about the Savior. He said to go to the topical guide under "Jesus Christ" and to read the subtitles. President Thomas S Monson issued a challenge to read the book of Mormon everyday and ponder on them. I have been trying to help my children get in the habit by reading a verse a day. Keeping it simple and getting them used to daily promises that will help them stay strong and righteous the rest of their life. We want the end result that often tines we forget about the work we must do to get where we want to be spiritually.

I like these kind of challenges. Challenges that help me become stronger. It is harder when you are experiencing a challenge that you don't want and are not sure how you will make it through. You just want someone to take it off your shoulders. Challenges are faith building if we are humble and ask the Lord for help. Then he guides you little by little.

I have been searching and searching for answers. I have read so many people claiming to have found  a cure for what ails them. For a while I thought that I was on my way to wellness. But it is a slow progress if any. I had to take a break from research and writing my book this week. I felt like I was going to go crazy! I just have been trying to enjoy our spring break. It is colder than I would like for Spring but we had a few good weather days. We went to an amazing park one of the days. It was huge! Here are some pictures from the Veteran Memorial Park in West Jordan.
 

 

I crashed on Sunday after such a busy week. On the diet and health front is not so great to report. That is probably the biggest reason why I  haven't been writing. I don't want to be boring or whiny, but I also feel like part of this blog is about my continuing journey, so I am taking a chance and sharing it. It is ever changing just like our weather. I am still losing a lot of weight not in a good happy way. To give a little background of 10 years of health issues. I was about 115 pounds when the stomach pains started again. This was after I had been off gluten for about 3 years. I thought that would fix it all. After the birth of my son and finding out, to my horror, that he couldn't eat hardly anything, I went on the same diet he was on until I could wean him off of nursing. Then after he was weaned I celebrated for like a week eating whatever I wanted except gluten, I discovered the stomach pains returning. My doctor took me off of dairy and that snowballed over the years into taking more and more out of my diet. Things are getting worse and new diagnosis are popping up like annoying pimples! I have had many struggles with my newest diagnosis of Premenstrual  Dysphoric disorder (PMDD)It makes my normal depression seem like a rabbit in comparison. It is a severe a disabling form of pms. I felt like I was making progress but am back to broth and chicken and a select veggies. I cook broth and chicken every four days. Ever heard of Gaps diet. It is not where you get to go shopping at the gap and eating a smoothie or something. What about low Fodmap? I feel like and intestinal zoo and no way to cage these animals! I think my stomach still hurts because of SIBO (Small intestinal bacteria overgrowth) but I haven't been tested yet, so I won't know for sure until I do.I have also been trying to get my family to eat less gluten because of some suspected sensitivities I have noticed with the kids but it is a challenge. Most of our snacks are now gluten free though. Its a lot to handle just with mine and my little boys health as a full time job. That is only covering the fuel we put in our bodies. We still are trying to mesh all of our unique mental health needs and strong personalities. Someone please help me!!! It was a nice spring break but I can't  keep this pace up!!!

It feels like I am a one woman band. I am carrying all these things around and trying to manage them. Instead of them sounding melodious and harmonic they sound dissonant like I threw them all up in the air and let them come crashing down. Bang. Boom. Bong. Crash! I don't know how to play these instruments individually let alone at the same time! I am not sure what to do first. I want to focus on my kids and husband but my health keeps throwing me off. Then I am forced to focus on my health instead of a guide and help to my family. That is my visual for overwhelm.Feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed are feelings that I feel often despite not wanting to. What is a girl to do? Keep trying because that is what I do even if the odds are against me. That's me living on a prayer and doing what I have to do to survive!