Day 9 for 31 May-keover-Happy Mothers Day

Happy Mothers Day to all you wonderful mothers out there! It is tomorrow but I thought we should think about it now. Where would we be without our mothers? As mothers we are too hard on ourselves. We are always on the job, so to speak, 365 days. It is incredibly hard to be a parent. You are a chauffeur, cook, educator, teacher, manager, nurse, psychologist and more. We completely dedicate ourselves to whatever our sweet little children need. Along the way we start to define ourselves as Mom and we lose who we used to be. If only we had a compass to let us know when we are going off course. Mothers day should be a reality check for what we really do each day. It is like our pay day! I love the smiles and how they give me all these cute handmade gifts. It is worth it all!

I feel that Mother's day is a chance to start over and give ourselves a makeover. Sleep in late, put on some heels or try a new shade of lipstick. When was the last time you cut or colored your hair? Just doing a little something for you makes you feel a little less lost and......lovely. :) Find yourself, find time and find your energy!

Today's assignment:
Enjoy your Mothers Day! You deserve it! My kids agree!

Day 8 for 31 days of May-keovers-Enjoy your personaliTEA!

Warning this may be a little over dramatic! But hey if you can't write what you feel and live then how can others relate?

This week has really been eye opening for me. Many people do not know the fight I have everyday with myself. I try to stay positive but be real in what I write here.I am really just barely starting to accept this reality as well. I want to smile and pretend that I am just having a bad day or in a bad mood. In fact I try to put on a smile as if I am happy. It is not my fault and I make a choice everyday to choose to try and live my life when really I feel like a social experiment. This week I have gotten the courage to realize it is not my fault they way I feel. I am strong for even being able to overcome the debilitating and invisible disease Fibromyalgia.Today I am throwing a party to celebrate what I hope to be a turning point for me.

Welcome to my tea party. Why a tea party? It is fun and supposed to be cozy. My kids sure love having them.My guests are chronic pain, stress, fatigue, depression, self criticism and flu like symptoms. My favorite is Mr. unreliable he is a frequent visitor. He seems charming, telling me I can do whatever I want, until he invites his other friends. I can't do it all and that is okay! I decided to invite them ALL because they are frequent visitors anyways! Yes this is scary and overwhelming. Maybe if I invite them I can understand them. With this party I can expect them and I can mingle and talk. I get tired of trying to ignore them so I might as well invite them to the party. They are the ones with me my whole life. Friends and family try to understand me but they don't. If I just try to move or be social, things will get better right? They don't even realize how much energy it takes to even go out of the house or talk. I am gripped with fatigue because even when I want to sleep my guests want to party.

I told you it was a little dramatic but if I truly want to change I have to look  in the eyes of my reality and make it the best I can. I don't want to feel guilty for something I have tried to change for years. I have done it all, medicine, therapy, counseling,and massage. Every day there is a knock at my door and I wonder if I have the strength to let these guests in who might be back the next day. When I write down my worries they do not look so big and scary as I first thought. As kids, many of us are scared of a monster in our closet or under our beds. I know my kids have been! When I face them on paper they loose their hold on me. So like any good tea party I have a time picked out to think about them and worry. See my post about this here

 I will set the table for my tea party. My table will be set for success and the tea is a dose of reality. I can sweeten my tea with faith, hope and trust in God. I am not mocking this ritual but visualizing it this way due to what I have learned about tea. I know that in many cultures especially in China it is a way of celebrating and honoring your guests. Tea is also so popular because of all the varieties in taste offered. I know that my guests are difficult but I truly want to understand and do all I can to make the best of everything.

I don't like being out of control of what happens to my body. I like to feel in control. So that is my goal for today is to find out what I am in control of. I know it sounds more resolute to write it, however, executing it is a whole different struggle. I am going to attempt to understand these guests one at a time. After all, my blog is the happiness blueprint and how we can find it everyday. That is the key though, we have to find it! To find it we have to be looking and wanting a change. I am very clear on what I can't change, so what can I change?

• My attitude and thoughts
• Getting enough sleep
• Letting people know that I need friends
• Not loosing my passion for things
• Seeing life as an adventure
• Enjoying the times I do feel well
• Managing stress and teaching my family to understand

I have to make a conscious choice to choose these things everyday! Some day I will be healed and I want to say I put up a good fight!

Today's assignment-
Look at your life and find one thing you want to change. Add a time in your daily routine to think about it and make realistic goals.

Day 7 for 31days of May-keovers- Taking care of my mind garden

 

Your mind is a garden.

Your thoughts are the seeds.

You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.

 

This little poem really was profound to me. It is really hard to be aware of my thoughts. I have started journaling both the negative and positive to be more aware of what I am truly planting as my seeds. This takes extra time and sometimes accepting or looking at my thoughts differently. Even though dandelions are weeds and people want to get rid of them, they are also really good for you to eat. I have had dandelion jam before. Even though bad thoughts come into our minds it doesn't mean they can't be used to teach us a lesson or help us change for the better. Some people blow on them because they believe they are making a  wish. Children don't see them as weeds but as white helicopters in the sky! My children squeal in delight to watch the hair like seeds transport and fly through the air.
 
A seed is small and weak. It can grow when under the right conditions. If it is left alone it will produce nothing. So once a thought is planted is the time to let it grow or remove it. A seed also needs the right soil to grow. We cannot just put a flower in the soil and not cover it with dirt. We need to search to know where to place the seed to receive the right amount of sunlight and water. If we give way to negative thoughts it can spread and consume our thoughts. Thoughts of happiness take time to take root and grow and blossom. At times my garden is overcome with weeds, bugs and pesticides. That is when I need my mental weed wacker to demolish the chaos and despair. I can't just do this carelessly, but thoughtfully writing down and emptying my mind. It is a long process of removing the old and preparing for the new and it has to be my choice! It is disappointing to see all that you have planted only produce weeds.
It is a constant battle to fill holes with flowers and it demands being aware and taking a walk through your mind. This has been my focus in May, although not intentional. If I think about my happiness blueprint and what I want, I can plan where I want things to go. I can be as creative as I want! I can add and take away from it. For a while it might take a daily meditation and pondering to be inspired and want to do something with all those weeds. Every morning I wake up and go outside to see more weeds. There is always something waiting to pop up! They take no time at all to grow.

 I also notice and take joy in the act of tending my real garden .I seem to be doing the same thing that I do in my garden but also in my mind. I can weed my garden and my mind with such harmony and contemplation. I have a lot more damage control on my mind though. Yet both are becoming a joy to me! I thought this was a beautiful video.

Today's assignment:
Ask yourself how your mind garden is? Take some time to write about what comes to your mind and make a plan. You could also buy a flower in a pot and tend it inside until you are ready to plant it.

Day 6 for 31 days of May-keovers-Dig in deeper

 

The last few posts have been pretty in depth. The last few years stress and anxiety have been creeping up on my like a slow thunderstorm. I am really trying to relax more and try new things. I need to dig deeper and find more things to be passionate about. I will always be fighting against depression and stress. I will always be fighting against my own dark thoughts.

I decided to try gardening. I could see all the plants reverting back to seed to hide from the girl with the black thumb. hahaha Either that or they all decided to organize and commit plant suicide.

I do not have a green thumb at all! After a year of getting my peace lily I killed it, well, my swamp cooler did!

It is easy to get overwhelmed with all the things you can grow. You don't want to over water or under water your plants. Just like children they need to be cared for and nurtured. Even if my kids are driving me crazy I feel a sense of wonder and fulfillment watching these plants grow.

After we lost our little bunny my daughter really wanted some flowers so we decided to create a shade garden. It took a little bit of research to find plants that would work under a pine wood tree. That makes the soil very acidic.

So we decided on dead nettle for ground coverage. My daughter is digging the trench for them in the above picture. For flowers we did geraniums and bleeding heart.

Now, I need to be okay with getting my hands in the dirt . Icky! I hate getting my hands dirty! Baby steps right? I can just watch my kids dig in and find potato bugs, worms or just get really dirty. The other day my daughter collected about 50 potato bugs that were not aloud in the house!
      

Day 5 for 31 days of May-keovers-How to learn more about yourself. See my personality revealed!

 

I have always wondered what personality type I am. I took 2 tests. The first was Myer Briggs test and the Type A or B personality. I am hoping that learning more about my personality I can find out what I need to fix. I don't feel like anything is wrong with me just that I would like to improve in certain areas. I think in a crazy way this is me taking a step to accept me.

My Myer Briggs result was ENFJ. Find out what this means here

Pros:



ENFJs are people person's. They are goal oriented and prefer to be organized. They also have a gift to connect with people.

Cons :

• They know how to get under peoples skin and get the result they want.
• Need to be alone but they tend to turn to dark thoughts when alone.
• They can feel lonely even when with people because they fail to show their true selves
• Particular with organization especially at home
• Bored and restless with the present
• Highly sensitive and judge too quickly in situations without  seeing all the possibilities
• Find it hard to make big decisions. It is hard for them to "sleep on it"
• Tend to worry and feel guilty
• Interested in routine and stability and not spontaneity from partners
• Can also be needy or overbearing to partners
• Feel hurt and unloved by children's rebellion

I loved what this website had to say about EFNJ types. It gives me comfort knowing I might be able to survive the teenage years if I just try not to be stubborn and dig my heels in.

"Luckily, these occasions will likely be rare. ENFJs' intuition gives them a talent for understanding, and regardless of the heat of the moment, their children will move on, remembering the genuine warmth, care, love and encouragement they've always received from their ENFJ parents. They grow up feeling the lessons that have been woven into the fabric of their character, and recognize that they are the better for their parents' efforts."

  The Type A Personality Test: Results

Type A behavior pattern has been linked to a number of health problems. Although the literature is somewhat inconsistent because of problems with the conceptualization and definition of Type A behavior, studies have shown that Type A people run higher risks of cardiovascular diseases, cancer and other stress-related evils such as frequent colds, anxiety disorders, burnout, and depression. The risks seem to be reduced with intervention aimed at reducing Type A behavior. Indeed, those with pronounced Type A characteristics would be happier and healthier if they were to file down the jagged edges of their personality. By learning how to control the negative behavior patterns while preserving their drive, Type A people can be successful without sacrificing their emotional and physical well-being.

Your score = 46
Type A Score 46

What does your score mean?

You seem to have a Type B personality. Your personality draws characteristics from each of the other personality types, that is, Type A and Type C. Either you adjust your behavior depending on the situation, or you tend to be moderated in your attitudes. In any case, you are the most balanced of the three personality types.

 

Cons:

• Impatient and time urgency
• Easily stressed

There is a  list of ways to deal with Type A personalities here
Some of which are:

•  Make parenting less demanding and stressful.
• Learn to alter your thought patterns into positive ones.
•  Develop trust in yourself.
• control frustrations but don't bottle up emotions

Today's assignment:
Try taking a free personality test and choose an area to work on.

Day 4 for 31 days of May-keovers- How to tell if your family is a warm or ice cold bath

How does family work as a whole? 

All members of the family depend on home to provide protection, comfort and peace. Think of families like trees who dig deep roots into the ground. Parents who have respect and nurture their children help them to make roots to one day stand on their own with their beliefs and morals. When they all have deep roots they help each other when the hard storm of life comes their way. Each family member is integral and unique.

Healthy relationships

If your family is healthy then the parents are working together and siblings are encouraged to work together and help each other. There always seems to be one kid who acts out. Any attention is better than none. As parents we need to look at ourselves when this starts to happen. Family is not an individual journey, but a journey as a group. It is not enough to point fingers at each other but for each individual family member to access how they feel. It is not like a tree can pick up its roots and walk off. Everyone feels a change no matter how big or small.

A Functionalist Talcott Parson's came up with the warm bath theory. It says that family is like a warm bath, where the family can recharge their batteries, receive emotional support and be able to act out childish whims. I am not going to go into Parson's theory in detail. I do however like the symbolism of it. I asked my husband if he felt like coming home after a long day at work was like a warm bath.

He said "Today yes but sometimes it is like jumping into an icy cold bath that you weren't expecting" Haha he makes me laugh! I was actually baptized in freezing cold water and I still remember it. Brrrrrr who wants those icy cold feelings? Not me!

Taking a bath is so appealing because of the deep muscle relaxing that occurs. It can help with stress and calming the mind. If you add Epsom salts it can help sore muscles and detoxify.

Try a green tea bath?

Water brings life. Jesus is known as "living water". If we are surrounded by his love it can also feel comforting. John 4:7-14 Is the story of the woman at the well. We must keep ourselves immersed in the living waters of Jesus Christ.

Today's assignment:
Take a bath. No seriously! You need to research what it feels like to relax right? While you are relaxing, think about how you are functioning as a family. Think about your kids and how your relationship is with each of them. Don't forget to include your significant others too!

                                              

Day 3 for 31 days of May-keovers-How to stop the smowball effect of stress at home

Yesterday I talked about trying to teach how to change how we do things when we feel stressed. This could easily take up the whole month of May or longer! I hope you wrote your worry list down. Now pick a time to think about your worry list. Try to keep it several hours before bed.

Today my main focus is to try to stop anxiety before it comes through the doors into our homes. There is no rapid cure or magic pill to make anxiety go away forever. You just need to strengthen your bodies relaxation response. If you want strong muscles you need to exercise them.


I talked with my husband and we came to a decision that it is not fair to have our children absorb our troubles. They are like a sponge and they think that they should be feeling what we are feeling too. Those of us who work and come home stressed need to leave that at the door. My husband decided on those days to stop before he came into the house and listen to music or whatever helped him calm down and give his family the best of himself. When you are stressed you are not giving the best of yourself really. Stress starts with you as a tiny snowball. When you allow it to affect the next person it rolls and becomes bigger until it gets out of control and our families are all caught up in it.

I know these aren't the typical snowballs you would think of, but every year we have a snowball fight with hydrangea blossoms and they are so pretty! What would be better for our kids icy cold negative feelings or warm happy feelings that help them blossom and grow?

This year I put some hydrangea blossoms into a floating arrangement!

Stress doesn't just effect parents who work either. Parents that stay home with the kids are stressed from having to do it all alone. This got me thinking. What can we really do to leave the stress at the door when it sneaks in and out with the air with us barely noticing? Stress is due to a lack of privacy, always being needed and not fully being able to relax, or the demands of clean home, schedules, and meals. There is much more but really it feels like a full time job! For the sake of you and your kids take care of yourself and make time for what is important! These 5 exercises can help strengthen our relaxation response until it becomes more natural for you.

1. Listen to our children. This is hard because as a parent we need to discipline and guide. When our children are acting out they are doing it because they don't know how to explain what is going on. Until we really listen and look what we are doing as parents to add to their behavior.
2. Stay away from people that make us anxious. I know we can't stay away from our kids but we can go into our rooms for a minute and calm down
3. Be present. I have been seeing this a lot on the internet. I think this one is a tough one to learn. My mind likes to wander
4. Learn deep breathing and or learn mindfulness meditations. Give these a try with your kids too! Although I find it more difficult to get my boys on board with this one!
5. Try to be organized and plan your days. Don't forget planning time for hobby and hubby! Girls and guys nights are important to. Your kids are not the only ones who need outlets and exercise. Schedule it, schedule it, schedule it!!

Today's assignment:
Find from this or another way to plan ahead on how you will handle stress. Having these and other quick stress relievers can help that snowball melt before it touches anyone else. Better yet build a snowman and let the stress go. This is NOT a Frozen reference, although I am sure many of you thought it right? My point mainly was to look at your stress in a different way. In addition, if you can, pick a person to be a reliable friend and listener I highly recommend it! Good luck and don't forget to breathe!