Summer of Sucess week 7- Shark week Day 1 and 2

Devotional: Alma 17:10
 10 And it came to pass that the Lord did visit them with his Spirit, and said unto them: Be comforted. And they were comforted

We talked about fears and what we can do when we are afraid. Then we read this story

We made a pool out of a tarp and tires and threw some plastic sharks in. My daughter gives it a thumbs up!

Letter: S







snack:Watch out for the watermelon shark!

We have been checking out the official site for shark week. There are shark feeds to watch and highlights and videos.

  


We watched a funny video of Donald duck

We have another Shark we love in out house.....that is my vacuum! Instead of eating fish it eats dust and Legos! I guess you could say every day is Shark week at out house!



Sharks and yoga!


An old favorite, shark teeth(or dino teeth) necklaces with marshmallows and cereal.


Happy Shark week!

Faith, Fourth and Fireworks

I am a little behind on my posting. Here is some birthday and fourth of July festivities! LOTS of pictures!
Water gun salute! Sparklers! The tires and tarp are my brilliant idea for a pool and it worked!
  

A little Harry Potter in the mix! Expelliarmous!


My boys! My family!
  

Chima cake for the birthday boy!
  

  
Tonight we got together with some neighbors. We talked about Faith. I used this Family Home evening lesson and combined a visual aid about fireworks. After the lesson was over we did fire works in a jar. I had the kids help me with this one. First you get a jar of warm water. This represents us.

Next, in a bowl mix vegetable oil and food coloring. The bowl is our hearts and the food coloring are seeds of faith. Then, you mix those two together. This is like when faith is stirred in our hearts. The last step is to pour the oil mixture into water. I told the kids to say silently as they poured it in, things like I believe in Christ, I know my Father lives or the scriptures are true. Something amazing happens when we have faith.

Then we set of fireworks! Of course! 
  
Some of those fire works were loud! I better cover my daddies ears!
  

My journey through mental illness and how one scripture brought me hope

I am almost done with my reading the Book of Mormon in the month of June challenge. It has been challenging to find time to read 8 chapters a day. However, my children have heard me listening to or seen me reading. I hope they know how important it is to put the things of the Lord first. Tonight, I was reading in Ether 2:24-25.

24 For behold, ye shall be as a whale in the midst of the sea; for the mountain waves shall dash upon you. Nevertheless, I will bring you up again out of the depths of the sea; for the winds have gone forth out of my mouth, and also the rains and the floods have I sent forth.

 25 And behold, I prepare you against these things; for ye cannot cross this great deep save I prepare you against the waves of the sea, and the winds which have gone forth, and the floods which shall come. Therefore what will ye that I should prepare for you that ye may have light when ye are swallowed up in the depths of the sea?

 

  After the fall of the Tower of Babel the Lord had compassion on Jared and his friends and family's language is not confounded. The Jaredites are preparing to leave and go to the promise land in barges. The brother of Jared asks the Lord how they can have light in these dark vessels. The Lord proposes that the brother of Jared find a way for there to be light. The Lord says:

"Therefore what will ye that I should prepare for you that ye may have light when ye are swallowed up in the depths of the sea?"

I really felt a connection this time to the story. A deep connection like these scriptures were describing exactly how depression feels I have never really thought about this passage of scripture in that way before. As many of you know I struggle with depression and all that comes with it. I have taken medication off and on for 5 years. I feel like that only masks the pain for a while. I feel swallowed up in a sea of despair and darkness at times. I thought about the question the Lord asks the brother of Jared and feel its application for my depression. What can I do so that I can have light when I feel like I might drown in my seas of woes? I just sat and thought about this question for a while. Could I have enough faith to find my cure and then ask if it is what I should do. So many days I feel like I will do anything for a way to make it better, to feel normal again. Could I?

I feel a warmth and hope that I have not felt in a long time. I have been tossed to and fro, thoughts and experiences have crashed against me. The flood of tears are guilt stained and hopeless. This mental illness has felt like a chain drowning me. I am crying, now, but only because I feel those seas of darkness calming and that the Lord has given me all I need to surface, breathe and gather courage to battle it all again. He has built me to be a strong vessel, but it is up to me to keep the light. He can touch and light my heart and give me that hope.

Hope is a light that only fades if we let it. I have been grasping for hope for so long. This scripture gives me peace and hope for the day I will not be tossed so easily by this illness and that the darkness will be swept away. He will rescue me and guide me through this!

I have hope! 

Summer of sucesst week 6- Challenge to change your parenting

So far it has been tough to do the things on my daily happiness card. It has been so hot that by noon I am not so productive anymore. Swamp cooler in 100 degree weather is not really effective. I am just wondering how long this little rut of mine is going to last. I saw another friend of mine write on Facebook. Kids for sale! Then she proceeded to say how her kids were fighting and not cleaning and I just had to chuckle. What am I doing wrong? Is it my parenting? My children's strong will? I always hear from them that  "Summer is supposed to be fun and relaxing, not work" We have been swimming and the movies, but I am mean and don't let them have any fun. Right? I have gotten to the point where I don't even respond anymore to that. This fish is not taking the bait thank you!

How do other Mom's do it? My stress goes through the roof when I have to fight with them. I feel like I am in a boxing match. I want to make a meaningful connection but all I get is defiance and told how I am doing it all wrong. There are so many blogs out there answering these questions with as many How to's as we could possibly want. How to stop fighting, or how to get them to clean up and much more. I want them to want to clean, obey and so forth with out any manipulation or bargaining on my end. The thought of taking away everything so they can't make a mess has occurred on many desperate occasions.

 I know children are only young once and they will be grown up before I know it! In fact, I found these sweet and sticky foot prints on the kitchen bench. It is leftover from the drips of a Popsicle. In that moment of discovery, all is bliss! I think of how cute my little mess maker is and a smile creases my frustrated face.

In some ways my kids and I are similar. Our interactions would best be described in these stubborn moments as 2 rams butting heads. Other times we are working together as a group. I need to figure out the tricks to nurturing and teaching them without driving me to the end of my sanity. That is what I plan on working on for the rest of the Summer. I definitely feel like I  need to surrender to a new way of thinking.

Challenge: Figure out what my kids personality is. Write down what there strengths and weaknesses are. Then figure out what I can do to nurture what they thrive at and strengthen where they are weakest.

I also plan on having them tell me what they would like to learn about and give them a lot more options on what they can do. Their reading is continuing at least. :) I can't believe we are in July already!

When you have reached your breaking point

Everything is too much right now! I end the day optimistic that tomorrow will be a better day. I try to make it so, but keep getting derailed by something. That something can knock me out for days or bring me to my breaking point. I even considered just going back to California. Then my muscles won't ache, the sun shines and my beaches are there! I go to the doctor and end up with more questions or more tests. I am drained and so is my bank account.

I can keep busy and that masks the problem for a few days.  Just like a prowling predator it creeps up on me. Whatever "it" is at the time, knocks me down, flat! The panic is there, like I won't be able to get back up again. Then I always feel guilty because I know someone has it worse than I do and I shouldn't be complaining. It feels like I take 2 steps forward and then one step back. Something always has to give and it is usually my house. Even that creeps up on me too! I need to talk and get all this out but I worry I will alienate my friends. I am not saying I am giving up. I just need to feel like I am doing more than just coping or changing my personality type.

 I have so much to be grateful for. When I count my blessings, it is like a band aid covering my wounds. It helps a little. I always end up at the same feelings of exhaustion and being overwhelmed, like I am just going in a circle. Why do I keep reaching this breaking point and not see the signs that it is coming? At least then I could do some preventative measures. I laughed at my internist when she said stress could be causing all these problems. I thought she didn't know what was wrong and was just saying something to get me out the door. I am beginning to think she might be right! I do not handle stress well and it is the biggest predator of my happiness of them all! The problem is I don't know where to begin. I feel like each day is a piece of a puzzle. I just start to see the full picture and then without warning, the puzzle changes and then things aren't so clear anymore. Plus, I have to start over again! Two steps forward and one step back!

Whenever I write such a revealing post about myself it is therapeutic but leaves me feeling raw and vulnerable. My hope its that someone will read what I have to say and find comfort that they are not alone, and you are not! Another thing that you may have guessed from following my blog is that I am a fighter! I admit defeat but I get back up on that horse we call life! Nothing feels better than when you feel like you are holding the reins and that you have the control.

In addition, many of you also know that I like to do research and see what others have done in my situation. Today I found this article on what to do when you have reached your breaking point. In this article it lists habits that could be leading to stress and imbalanced. Stress is definitely a lack of balance. I like balance and control. So I looked at these habits carefully. Here is the list.

 1. You work until you feel exhausted.

2. You put up with a lot of stress at home or at work.

3. You seek distraction with hours of television, video games or surfing the Internet.

4. Once you begin to work on something, you focus intensely, rarely getting up to move around.

5. You take your life very seriously, without a sense of humor.

6. You over schedule your time.

7. You're addicted to being busy.

8. You fret and worry.

9. You are constantly texting, emailing and checking up on things.

10. You deal with all the demands in your life by multitasking.

11. Your diet is loaded with sugar, fat and processed food.

12. You eat in a hurry, sometimes on the run. 

Anyone else find that fits your life more than you would like to admit? Except, for me #11 does not apply because I can't eat that much anyway. Ha ha! However, too many of them do apply to me. Getting enough sleep and dealing with this stress is not such an easy task. The other thing to factor in all of this is will these changes take a few weeks, or years? Can I be patient enough to work at it until it does change? I really don't like when I feel so past my breaking point.

I mentioned a few posts back that I have this card with things I can do to boost my mood. I actually stopped writing today to do some stress relieving yoga. Exercise is on the list and I was able to with each breath let go of all that stress weighing me down. I think that for a while I will have to make a conscious effort to do some of these things as my prevention. I will of course update you here on my blog.

Here is my fabulous Be of good cheer card

 

 



 

 

I feel that to avoid my breaking point that I need to do more preventatives. These mood boosters need to be an everyday for me. Writing is a passion and helps me dump all the negativity and thoughts somewhere. It should be part of my everyday routine.  Another preventative is getting enough sleep and eating well.(Not written on the list above) I can't forget those habits mentioned above either. I am also trying to get my husband on board with eating no processed food. We will see! Still a lot to do at this particular time in my life. I am not sure how I am going to fit it all in. This is me getting back on the horse of life and trotting along for a while. Maybe then I can stop doing this little dance of 2 steps forward and 1 step back, and glide gracefully and fluidly through life. Crossing my fingers! Setting some new goals! Thanks for listening and I hope you find some small way to bring some balance back into your life. 

Summer of Sucess week 5-How do you measure sucess?

Success is defined as the accomplishment of an aim and a purpose. I have had several things I have been aiming for this summer. I have seen some success!

1. Stop the summer slide
2. Help kids make goals
3. Become more organized
4. Change negative behaviors
5. Stress less by doing things that make me happy
6. Get the baby out of our room and in his and keep his eczema out of control

My Summer plans have been altered because of kids unwillingness to participate and just plain exhaustion. The kids are reading and have read over 10 hours. That is great success. For writing prompts I am going to have them do it during quiet time and see if I have more success there. The older 2 kids have really been liking chess. My 10 year old is quite good.

Skill: picking up after yourself and controlling anger

I wrote down behaviors that have been bothering me and consequences that will follow. My doctor says I need to stress less so I am not going to stress if they don't do their room, but that means no friends or screen time will happen. This has definitely helped. On Monday was rough because one of my kids behavior was so disrespectful that they lost all privileges and had to go to bed early.

On the plus side, potty training for my Kindergartner is going great! That was a huge stress that is gone! He had accidents the first 3 days and I was about to give up! Now he has been accident free 3 days and has graduated to the big potty. At the end of today he will get his Chima lego set he has been waiting for!

I have also worried about my blog and keeping up but then I enjoy it less. Summer is busy anyway so I am here but if you don't hear from me, you will in a few days.

How do you measure success? Everyone has a different picture of what that entails. To me, it is not about the material aspect of it but the emotional rewards. That is, that we are all healthy and happy.Plans can go wrong but we can't give up. The kids goals and wants for the summer are different then mine. I guess I need to try a little harder to listen and align my goals with theirs! Success to me is that the kids and I are happy. Until that happens we are all trying to work together and redefine what we want. Some times we have too high of an expectation with an even bigger let down. I think that is what I did with my summer plans. So now I am building up slowly with smaller goals and steps. I can look at the small success I have and still look forward to the big picture.

I wanted to end with the scripture from Mosiah 4:27
 And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.

How to fight when you feel like you have nothing left to fight for

I wish I didn't have to fight so hard each day. It is a fight to get out of bed because it hurts to move. It is a fight not to feel like I have to be perfect. A week ago I wrote about the struggle I had with my kids listening and being so strong willed. It is a fight not to argue with my kids or to lose control when my daughter is crying for the eighth time that day and I mean the theatrics and everything! I don't know how to change my thinking or fight the anxiety and stress that comes over me. It has been especially tough due to potty training the most strong willed child I have ever known. He finally will wear his underwear but he doesn't recognize when he needs to go potty. It has been so stressful I am going to have to fight not giving up and putting him back in diapers. He is way too old for them and going to school next year.

It is a fight to go out to social events because I can't eat anything there and it smells so good. It is a fight not to feel left out of things that are happening around me. Sometimes I have to fight to be included. I have to help my little guy fight the urge to scratch because he is so miserable. At least I still can fight and want to!

 Last week our Relief Society woman got together for an activity where this amazing and energetic Psychologist, Karen Nickl talked about being of good cheer. I have been thinking about her presentation all week! First of all I know that my anxiety and stress are self induced and even though my internist wants me to see a counselor I am reluctant to do so. Stubborn? Me? I guess I know where my children get it from! Ha! That is a slap of reality. I did feel like her tips got me out of my rut this week. She gave us a card with the suggestions on it. Some of her suggestions were to eat some fruit or vegetables before you reach for desserts, socialize, and 30 deep belly laughs like you get when your dog just ran into your sliding door when it was shut! Another powerful one that I tried for a few days is thought stopping. That is when you think of something and it is like you get on a train and in a continuous loop you keep thinking about the same thought and building on it. Mine lately seems to be about my kids and my house. I start to think how stubborn and hearing selective my kids are and before you know it I am all worked up and for what?

  It is hard to rewire your brain but that is exactly what I must fight to do! I do not know why I keep letting my thoughts hold me back. I blame myself but I know that depression is a real physical illness and I keep trying hard and make adjustments. The minute I stop paying attention to my depression it gets the better of me. I let myself become isolated because I think no one understands me. Honestly some people in the past have not been supportive. It really is all in my head! The trick is to get out of my head and just go outside or do one of the things that I have on my handy dandy card I received at the activity. I do not want to accept mediocrity. Some days I know getting out of bed is the biggest fight I win every day. People ask me all the time how I am doing? I am grateful they care, but I never quite know what to say, except I am there and I am not giving up. That is a thought train I want to stay on board with! All aboard the positive thought train!

What do you do when you have feel like giving up? Who do you confide in? You are not alone!