Thursday, April 28, 2016

6 ways to detox from stress for you and your family

Ever wonder why some people are happy despite their circumstances? Some of us take to life more easily and others freak out? Bet you can't guess which one I am? ;) Yesterday was a rough day but I don't ever want to have one of those panic attacks again! I would say that is a major freak out wouldn't you? That is not how I want to feel anymore! No more stress, anxiety or depression. Can I do it? With time, yes! 5 years ago I was in a dark place. I have overcome so many obstacles already and no longer need medication for depression. This was my choice I wouldn't recommend this course of action if your doctor doesn't think it is right for you. I have developed a lot of skills and I will continue to develop them as a strive to navigate my way through this part of my life. My emotional and physical pain does not define me. It does not define you.

All these ailments on their own are manageable but all together I feel like I am walking in a mine field. Yesterday I hit a land mine and blew up. It is going to take a while to put all those pieces of me back together but I am getting stronger! It is okay if I take baby steps or crawl. I don't have to keep up. I can be an inspiration to others. I am courageous! I have been telling myself these things since yesterday and I feel them lifting me a little higher and to be a little better.

I had this visual come to me as I was sitting in the car waiting for my son at school. I saw all of all the areas in my life that I want to work on are like empty jars. I can try to add to one each day. I am making major deposits into my health jar but maybe my relationships or house need some love. Either way I am making effort in all areas. I then imagined at the end of the day I get to take all these jars and pour it into one big jar that I will call fulfillment. Pretty soon these jars are filled with all the little things that I have done through out my day. I get to recognize my efforts big or small. It is like the scripture says in Alma 36:7
" Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise."

I want to make giant leaps but first of all I have small legs. I am what they call "vertically challenged" My steps are not as big as others. I always have to ask my husband to slow down. He doesn't act like it is a big imposition and we usually walk arm and arm. Every time I want to take a giant step God says "slowdown."

If I listen I won't step on the land mine and blow up. If I don't then my emotions get the best of me. I am so touched by all the messages and texts I have received from friends and family. I promise I am okay and I write the good and the bad in hopes to help someone. I have that hunger to grow and be better and with each step I am closer to getting out of this land mine.

All of us need to stop feeling guilty and compare ourselves to others. Feeling shame, stress, guilt or low self worth are all things that will trip us up and land us into a land mine. We need a detox from all this stress. It is like saying I am not going to take another step in this mine field until I am sure I can continue. It isn't safe to drive when you are tired and it isn't safe to deal with emotions when you are overly stressed. It is okay to retreat and deal with pain, loss, illness or pure exhaustion. Here is what I suggest. Take a week or how ever long you need and make these things a priority. I think it might take months but you tailor it to you.

  1. Choose from this point forward that you will try to remain positive. Don't be hard on yourself if you think negatively. Just recognize that it is lie and keep going.
  2. Spend as much time with your family unplugged. Don't think about your to do list or if you have to be somewhere just enjoy every minute. Go outside together, read books and scriptures together.
  3. Rediscover what helps you relax. I tried tai chi this morning and was surprised at how much I liked it. I am still a hug advocate of yoga though. Take time each day to distress. Pick a time and stick to it. I have been thinking about doing yoga with my kids before bed again.
  4. Reduce toxic loads. What are you and your families triggers. Is there any allergies and sensitivities. Allergies can take a long time to discover so take your time with this. Gluten, sugar and dairy are common culprits. Again take a break from all screens.  
  5. Reduce clutter- Get the whole family on board and make a plan. Reduce emotional clutter too.
  6. Hold a family meeting daily to discuss only the positives that have seen with these changes and encourage everyone to keep going. This won't work unless you get everyone on board in your household. Write fun things to do together inside and outside the home.
Dealing with stress and fixing pain can take time and is to be treated very carefully. This should be healing for you and your family. It should be tiny steps not giant leaps. Let us settle down and let God make up the where we still have to go. Be patient. Be loving. Learn what defines you and what you can begin to let go of.

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

No good very bad anxiety day

Car trouble? We have all had a time when our trusty mobile breaks down and so do we because of the stress of having car issues. Our transmission went out of our van a little while ago so I am driving our very old car that is leaking power steering wheel fluid all over our drive way and anywhere else we venture. The other night my husband stuck his hand underneath the car to locate the problem and got his arm stuck! When he finally pried it loose he was covered in grease. Yuck!

I have been feeling this way myself. I am leaking energy from somewhere and I keep having a low tank. I can keep putting time into resting, eating right and I still find things that are draining my energy. This is a frustrating reality. I spent the whole morning writing down quotes to strengthen me when I start to think negatively or anxiety creeps upon me. Hope this will help some. Lately the kids have been dragging their feet to get ready for school. So my morning has not been relaxing and it takes 2 hours for me to fully get moving. I have been doing some stretches and range of motion exercise. I did not realize how week my arms and wrists were. I am really trying to be diligent about simplifying my life and then I see the messy house and I get anxious and angry. I am spewing my energy all over the place instead of conserving it!

I have accepted my illness and limitations. I have accepted that my children are strong willed.(mostly) The house I have not accepted. I don't like feeling like it will never get done. I will always be wasting my energy on cleaning the house and for what? Then I have no time for my kids, friends or hobbies. I could easily clean a whole day and not feel like I have accomplished anything. I am like my husband with the car. I am stuck!! There is just so much out of my control right now. If everyone in my home is fine with they way the house is it is only me who is getting worked up and unhappy. I have heard that there is a link to depression and clutter. I cannot speak for all depression but it is hard to stop the negative shaming and guilt trips. I find myself saying why even bother it will be messy again and I am always going to be playing catch up. Depression is a mental disorder and it is not easy to get yourself out of a funk. Often when you do you fall back into depression is because you have set too high an expectation or you failed. So now that I am getting some clarity....... Is this something to worry about? I feel that it is because of people in the past who have shunned me because my house was messy, even though I was trying. I am embarrassed to have anyone come in anymore!

So I guess I face my fears? As I was writing this a name popped into my head of who I should call. I have decided to ask for help. I am sick after all so why do I still feel guilty asking? I am losing so much energy just worrying. Worrying of what people think of me being sick or my house. Why do I do that to myself? Why do you do that to yourself?

I have now worked myself up and feel all this anxiety and it just doesn't want to go away! I was doing so good these last few days too. I have no solutions yet for this no good very bad anxiety day. Except that I will continue to look where I can take action and where I can let go?

Sunday, April 24, 2016

Seeing life through the lense of compassion

I was sitting in church today and I was in awe of the people around me. I was struck with the thought that they had a lot going on in their lives but they were happy to be there. First I saw a family of 9 that sat in front of us. Both parents work and just had a new baby. All the girls hair was done so beautifully. I thought how do they handle 7 kids? I couldn't do that. In fact my daughter did her own pony tail and their was a big knot in her hair! So many amazing people and they probably don't know how special they are.

One lady whose husband died a few years ago says that she is not alone because she sleeps with Charlie (Charlie horse) and Arthur (Arthritis). Ha ha. She is one of the happiest ladies I know. It is such  an inspiration to me. Another older lady had a birthday today and was not thrilled because it meant she was getting older. I told her a birthday is a blessing because it is the day that you came into the world. She smiled with tears in her eyes and I felt so much love for her. Yet another individual suffers from Dementia and was brought to tears because she thought she saw a loved one who had passed. I keep thinking that I have to fit in with the younger woman in my ward who have kids the same age as me. I know they have their struggles too, but they are healthy and I feel like I have to keep up. I love it that we can talk about the kids and things we have in common. However, today my eyes were opened to how much I relate to these older woman. That may be because as far as my hormones are concerned I am a 55 year old woman. Just because I am limited in strength and energy does not mean I am limited in compassion and love. Just because someone looks well on the outside does not mean that they are "well". These woman are so brave and they have something to teach me. So many of these woman are alone most of the time, while I have my zoo to tend to. Today these woman felt like they were more like my grandma or sister.

Is this what the Savior meant when he said in 3 Nephi 17:7.....

"Have ye any that are sick among you? Bring them hither. Have ye any that are lame, or blind, or halt, or maimed, or leprous, or that are withered, or that are deaf, or that are afflicted in any manner? Bring them hither and I will heal them, for I have compassion upon you; my bowels are filled with mercy."

Maybe I am going through all this to help someone? Maybe it is for one of my kids? It could be to help me develop charity. I don't know the why of it. I can surrender and not fear.It is so easy to get lost in your circumstances. You forget to look around as I did today, and see so many are struggling. Some of us can run through life. Others of us need to be pushed or we can only walk. Some of us are crawling on our knees just to make it. We can grow because of our limitations. Loving others does not take away the pain but it makes life worth the pain.

Saturday, April 23, 2016

A day in the life of my chronic illness

I have been thinking a lot about wisdom, order and having a balanced life. Monday through Sunday it is a balancing act and I am lucky if I survive! Is it too much to ask to have a quiet sane life? Apparently my brain doesn't want to let me. Whenever I wake up in the morning I wonder what kind of day it is going to be for me. How much am I going to be able to handle and how insane are my kids going to drive me? How close am I going to get to the edge of my sanity? Are they going to push me to the edge of the cliff or are they going to push me all the way off? It was brought to my attention that I cover some topics, but too broadly. Where else would my readers like me to delve in deeper? I just worry about rambling on, which I can do if you want? ;) I like to keep things short and sweet because I often do not read long posts myself, because of time. So I pin them for later and they sit in Pinterest gathering dust and cobwebs.

I thought maybe if I shared what a typical day for me is like, you would understand what I have been prattling on about for so many years. Maybe it will help you feel stronger than you think you are or maybe not so alone.

7:00 a.m.
Wake up!
I set 3 alarms 15 minutes apart so that I won't sleep in and miss taking my kids to school. On the first alarm I am not sure if it is day or night. I feel shaky and very aware that my body is stiff and in pain. I fall back asleep usually. Then my second alarm goes off at 7:15. I take a few minutes to sit up and say my morning prayers. I dread mornings but my kids have to be at school so I have some motivation there. I am still very groggy. It doesn't take lone before I feel nauseated. Some woman only get morning sickness when they are pregnant but not me. I wake up with it every day. Sometimes I am up before the 3rd alarm goes off but sometimes I have to massage my legs to get them moving. I praise myself for getting out of bed because about 6 years ago that was almost impossible.

Figure out what the kids are up to and how much getting ready still needs to be done. I make my shake because usually I can't eat much in the morning. I really want my mornings to be stress free but usually with 4 kids there is always something that needs my immediate attention. I lotion and change my three year old so he won't itch all day. He has really bad allergies. His allergies require a clean home that I cannot just keep up with. I sit down and read my scriptures and keep checking on the kids. I use to be able to wake up early for this but my body just won't.

A timer on the oven goes off and we head off to school. It is a loud one so they all can hear it. I drop 3 of my kids off and my 3 year old and I go home. I finish my scriptures while he listens to his on tape or watches a video. Then I figure out what I can do that day. If it is a high pain level I choose one thing that must get done. Then I break that into little chunks of time. Next, I shower to try to get my muscles moving.

Get dressed and stretch if I can. Usually I am chasing my three year old and he is pulling out everything we own. I try to do my most important thing for the day. I work 15 minutes and rest 30 minutes at a time.

It is time for me to grimace some more and eat some food. With the pain in my stomach I have to eat small meals every two hours. I clean up in the kitchen for 15 minutes and sit down and read to my little guy or play. I am ignoring the mess. I am ignoring the mess. It is so hard to stay mindful and just enjoy playing but that is what I need to do.

I go pick up my Kindergartner early. I enjoy sitting there for 30 minutes or so while my three year old is strapped in a car seat. It is even better than quiet time. We come home and eat lunch and clean up for another 15 minutes. Then I read to both of the boys and they go do quiet time.

I try, try is the key here, I try to blog and meditate. My three year old does not take naps. He is like a jack n a box, popping in and out of my room.

This is my afternoon routine. This is where I am usually done as far as energy goes. I eat another scoop of my shake and deal with all 4 kids being home. My stress is really high at this time so I do minimal tasks until dinner. I try to have a plan for dinner but that doesn't always happen.

We eat dinner and clean up. There is always battles at this time. Always! We are serious about getting ready for bed when 7 o'clock rolls around. The bed time battle is the worst. I do not enjoy bed time even though we cuddle together and read. It feels more like a wrestling match them calming. We have to do some more lotion and some medication for our little one and put him in jammies that he can't scratch himself to death during the night.

I am done! So done! I can't handle another thing. I think most parents can relate to this one. I can't clean up after this time so the house is however it is. I start to get ready for bed, journal and do relaxing exercises. I also do all my planning for the next day and remind myself of any events that day. This is also the only time my hubby and I have together. Sometimes it is more like 9-10 but I try to stick to this schedule.

I must be in bed by this time. I start to borrow energy that I need tomorrow if I don't. I need 8-10 hours of sleep but rarely get that from feeling restless or kids waking us up. This is where my fatigue cycle starts.

This schedule is if I am having an okay day. If the weather is stormy or too hot my energy is drastically reduced. If I eat something that makes my stomach angry that can ruin my whole day. If I worked too hard the day before, didn't get enough sleep or am too stressed; that can also take its toll on how much I can do. If I do too many social activities I might feel like I am going to pass out or have a foggy brain. As I was mentioning before I have to use wisdom and conserve my energy but move enough so I do not become completely bed ridden. It is a balancing game that I have not figured out yet. So many times I push myself too hard and end up in a flare for weeks. I get up the next day and try to do better than yesterday. I will never be pain free. I have accepted it. But it is so hard and isolating. I used to be so different. I mourn the loss of who I used to be and what I used to be able to do. However I am so done feeling guilty and depressed. So I continue to search and seek answers. Isn't that what God wants us to do? The word of God is powerful!

Alma 31:5
And now, as the preaching of the word had a great tendency to lead the people to do that which was just—yea, it had had more powerful effect upon the minds of the people than the sword, or anything else, which had happened unto them—therefore Alma thought it was expedient that they should try the virtue of the word of God.

As I seek to find balance for this damaged vessel I am strengthened and comforted by the scriptures and somehow I make it through another day. If I am not rushed and listen I am guided to what I should do and where I should explore next. I may be near a cliff but I am getting smarter and building guard rails. When I can no longer fall I will back away one step at a time until I make it to my heavenly home. What do your days feel like to you? How do you manage your time and keep your energy going?

 I don't know how you do it! Have you ever heard someone say that? You just do....right? All the while balancing life with your super hero apron on!

Thanks for caring,

Thursday, April 21, 2016

This court must come to disorder

This week? Hmmm... Where do I begin. I have been up and moving the last 2 days and that has been great. I a moving but still just feel so yucky. I went back on the Opti cleanse GHI because I haven't been able to eat much again. The last time I was this bad was back in September! So I guess I can be grateful for that. I have really wanted to get out and be social since last week I was down. Tuesday a friend of mine talked to us about how to do make up. She was great and it was a lot of fun. Her suggestion to me was to use concealer to cover up my huge pores craters on my t-zone. I have been using a concealer of my own to disguise what is wrong with my health as well. I hide because I fear that I will not be accepted for the diseases that have claimed my life. So I stay hidden away like the Quasimodo of our time would. Who could ever love a creature like me?

Then last night I went to a church activity where this young girl talked about the power of heaven and her fight with a prison convict who broke into her home and tried to kill her and her sister. She was stabbed but none of them were fatal. As she recalled the incident of that night with tears in her eyes she said she should be dead. But a miracle happened after he stabbed her several times. The knife missed and missed! There is no other explanation than a miracle from heaven! She is alive today because she prayed and asked for help. She said he knows us and knows our fights. I wasn't going to go last night but at the last minute I got a strong impression to go. What a life changer for me! If shed can fight with a traumatic attack as that I can handle a few disorders. It made me really want to reach out to all those who are fighting whatever battles they are fighting whether it is illness, abuse, loneliness,depression or loss of a loved one.

 I feel so differently last night then I do today. I had to go to the dreaded D word. The doctor! Enter dooms day music here. Luckily for me my gynecologist has fibro too! So I love coming to her for that reason. However I always leave feeling like a deer in headlights. There are always more tests to do and something else wrong with me. Now I get to wait a month to do an endoscopy to find out if I have cancer in my esophagus or what the damage is. I am waiting to hear back from some other tests as well.

It has been a while since we looked at all my tests and medical records. The emotions came back to me that I felt in 2011, when I was diagnosed with celiac and depression. I came home and cried to my husband, a bucket of emotions.  I hate doing that to him at work because then he has more stress to deal with.

Stress I am taking you to court!

The verdict is in and stress will have to pay me back for all the pain and suffering that it has caused. I wish! This court must come to the conclusion that something must be done with these disorders. This is a life long process!This is so scary to me that I will not find relief in this life from the physical pain. As I have read the scriptures I do feel like I can do something and fight for the emotional pain to go away. I have always been comforted by the scripture found in Mosiah 4:27

 "And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order."

  I have been looking for order for so long but all I have found the opposite. For me order means the order in which I will tackle each stressor. Stress is my life! So my next step would be to keep it from visiting as often just as I have done with my depression. I am seeing a new counselor to do just that and to get control of my emotions better. I am also trying a new medication for the pain and the hypersensitivity I feel daily. I am still fighting! Are you waiting for your verdict? What are you fighting?

Thanks for caring,

Saturday, April 16, 2016

How to ride the waves of emotion of chronic illness

I am highly sensitive person! Hey I resent that? I do! All my life I have had people tell me that I am too sensitive or that I cry too much. I have always believed it to be a bad trait of mine. I am surrounded by amazing people who take life in stride while I get clobbered by waves of emotion I didn't even see coming. I have been pulled under a wave before. You can't tell direction and you body is doing flips. Worst of all the water keeps entering your mouth when you try to breathe. I felt like this last night. Really I have felt like this all week! A simple thing was brought to my attention but it felt like a criticism and my walls came down. It was not intended to be one. Whoosh! I had those same feelings again of being tossed around. Well I decided to look up why am I so sensitive. I used these exact words. Why am I so sensitive? I am desperate at this point to know people!

I came across several posts that all said mentally there is nothing wrong with you if you are sensitive! It is not a mental disorder. Great! That means it is another, it is up to you to find balance and peace with your sensitive nature. It makes me feel even more anxious to have to do more work on myself than I already am to stay alive! Seriously? Whoosh! Here comes another wave! If you think I am exaggerating; I am not!

Really my life feels more like a tsunami has crashed down and destroyed all I have worked so hard for. Hopes, goals, expectations are dashed to pieces. Some days I sit on my bed stretching so I can move. I have a blank note pad and I try to prioritize my day. There is so much to do and I have just a little bit of energy. In a tsunami you are not supposed to go near flooded or damaged areas until it is safe to return. That is because subsequent waves can hit. So why would I want to be in my home or deal with my health when these are areas of damage? These things signal a wave of emotion and pain. Yet the house is not going to clean itself and no one can make me move, but me!

Save yourself not your possessions after a tsunami!

Save yourself and your family. There is chaos all around you but your first obligation is to save yourself and locate your loved ones. Check yourself for injuries and call if someone needs rescuing. You may need to help someone who requires special assistance. Illness can feel a lot like that if you are not sure how bad it is. You require special assistance and help from your family. Family and friends in their attempts have made things harder for me because they really haven't walked in my shoes. They help but the help is too short or not what I need. Sometimes I don't even know myself. I am grateful for the help but I need more. How can I ask that of them?

I have been calling on God to rescue me for so long. He has heard my prayers because each day some how I make it and I cling to my scriptures and the hope that things will
 get better. A few days ago after having a strong feeling to call someone in my church, I did. The results were astounding! I called not knowing what to say except that I knew I was supposed to call this person. They started asking me questions until I felt a wave again. This time it was a wave of relief! This person has fibromyalgia and has dealt with it a lot longer than I have. This person is also a life coach and said she wanted to help me! Here comes another wave and tears! Open the flood gates!

 I feel so many things right now. I feel rescued. I feel relief. The damage is still there but it is like God is saying it is safe for me to go back and start fixing the damage. I have been in the water for so long, almost drowning and now I get to go somewhere safe. I know that the waves of emotions will keep coming but I am going to ride them instead. I am talking about the little waves of emotions not a tsunami sized ones. The big waves take damage control. Once I clear away the debris and heal my family and home then I can move on to tiny baby steps of recovery. I can't stop the waves but I can ride them. I can smile and say I am frustrated, angry or depressed. These emotions are not me and I can allow these thoughts to enter my mind and recognize them for what they are. For example, I was doing the dishes and a wave of overwhelm came over me. Huh? I am overwhelmed and my mind has wandered but I am going to bring it back and finish the dishes. Then I make note of what overwhelmed me and the next time I am more aware and ready to ride the wave instead of it knocking me down or clobbering me. It is being mindful of what is happening in that moment. How your body feels? What you were doing and bring yourself back to that. It happened several times and each time I just let it come. It still clobbers me but it takes practice to ride the waves doesn't it? It takes time and understanding. Learn to be kind to yourself and keep getting back up no matter how many times you get knocked down. After all we all jump in when in comes to life.

 Do you feel like you are sinking or floating? Come jump in my boat and maybe you will feel you are doing better than you think. Let me rescue you from thoughts that plaque you and pull you down. Maybe knowing that you are not alone can get you through this week. Relax and take one more tiny step with me. With these waves of emotion you shouldn't hold your breath. Just breathe and let it come. I promise you will be riding the waves in no time. Look at you standing tall and on your own two feet!

Monday, April 11, 2016

How you can break free and change today

When I write posts like and How choosing happiness works and How to embrace your current season of life it seems like things get a little tougher around here to really test my theories! I have lived the moments I write about and even though most of the time I end on a positive note, I have gone through a lot of pain and work to share these ideas with you. I share these things with you so you don't step on the same land mines I have or fall into the same traps. I write most of my posts on the not so good days, so if I can get out of a funky mood you can too! I hope that you can see how vulnerable I really am making myself to you all!

 There is hope if the cards you have been dealt in life are less than ideal. You can't always have the choice to trade in your whole hand and start again. Although starting over can happen as many times as you need it to. Start over by looking at what is working and what is not. Who says you have to figure everything out all at once? Maybe just trade a few cards and see what happens. We have that mentality that there is always something better and we should have it. It is okay to want good things in life but we must not compare what others may or may not have. The only thing you can keep coming back to is that which makes you happy. If something is not making you happy get rid of it or change how you see it!

What "cards" in life can you discard? What you have control over/ Your attitude. Who you call friends. What and how you want your day to go. My son's counselor always asks him how he wants his day to go or his week. If you plan for a good day your mind set is that is will be a good day, despite what happens. It is your actions to things that happen to you that are out of your control, that makes or brakes you. Discard the negative and trade them for the very best you can. My mother would always say to us, when we were kids, to make it a great day. I now say it to mine. This mind set is something that takes time to develop but keep trying to make it the best day you can despite what transpires on a given day. We all have bad days or weeks!

Some things that are making me unhappy are my health, some family relationships, my house and being home sick. I feel tied as far as what I can do about these things but all of them cause me emotional strain and drain. I can try to get my house clean and organized but easily get discouraged at how slow it is taking. This is also true with all things regarding my health. Yesterday I couldn't move until 11 a.m. Once I rested up and my stomach didn't hurt so bad I looked at my day and tried. I celebrated the little things I did. That is all. Do something! Anything! Even if it takes all your effort and strength. Whether your burden is emotional or physical.

When I was in high school I was hanging out with some friends at the pool. I didn't want to go swimming but I still wanted to have fun. I was dressed in a t-shirt and jeans. Well a few of the guys thought it would be funny to toss me in. Have you ever felt how heavy wet jeans are when you take them out of the washing machine? Imagine them clinging to your body and pulling you down. It pulled me down and I struggled to get out. What are your "wet jeans" that are holding you down? Once I changed I felt as light as a feather. Freeing your mind of heavy and limiting thoughts can be just as liberating! I couldn't change my jeans in the water but I could once I got out. First you have to get out! Get out of the house. Get out of your pajamas. Get out of a bad mood. Get out of the bad habits you have. Get out! Get out! Then, change into what you are comfortable with that is not soggy and drenched in self doubt or failure. Get out and change! Get out and break free. Do something that makes you smile. Remember that God is waiting to help you out of deep waters. You are not doing this alone! There is always someone waiting to come to your rescue and aid.

Saturday, April 9, 2016

How choosing happiness works!

Last week was a tough one for me. It snowed it rained and now I want a Spring Break do over! I was looking forward to it and instead every day was a struggle to move or be motivated. This Monday I was hoping for a chance to start over, be stronger and find my happiness again. Like the sun, the clouds of doom hid my happiness. Really that is how my life feels. There is sunshine and happiness and the dark clouds roll in for weeks or months! Lets be honest my blog wouldn't be the happiness blueprint and how you can find it every day, if there wasn't some work or earning involved right? I think I have shared this quote before from Ezra Taft Benson about happiness but I love it. He says:

"Happiness must be earned from day to day but it is worth the effort"
Yes it takes effort! Sometimes all my effort!
I went to my son's counselor today. He had trouble going to school again. As I talked with my son's counselor and describing everything that has happened and is happening at home, and all the stress, I felt like I was reading off the side effects of some medication. May cause crying, gastrointestinal issues, drowsiness, emotional and physical pain and reactions. I am experiencing the side effects of life and most of it is out of my hands! The counselor kept saying sarcastically "Lucky you!"  Lucky you get to deal with all of this! He is probably glad he is not my counselor. Am I lucky? Lucky? I always thought being lucky meant winning the lottery or having things go my way. I have been thinking a lot about this. I looked up lucky in the dictionary and under synonyms it listed blessed and heaven sent. Am I blessed?
I finished talking with the counselor and felt those negative thoughts creeping in like the spiders do in the Spring. Eeew! All of a sudden there they are in all their creepiness!  They are on the wall, on the ceiling everywhere! Why I am comparing my negative thoughts to spiders you say? I hate spiders and I hate when I get caught in a web of negative thoughts! So if I don't squash those negative buggers they soon spin a web of Satan's lies and I get trapped. I started to think how I couldn't keep dealing with this anymore. My chronic illness feels like enough most days. Some times honestly I just don't deal at all and other times I wish to go back in time and fix things. It is really easy to get stuck and focus on the bad and being ill fated. What is a girl to do? I came up with a list of ways I felt I was indeed lucky. No negativity allowed!
  1. I get to be a Mom and try to make a difference. So many out there wish to be moms but have not been able to.
  2. When I get depressed I can turn to the Lord, family, and some friends and gain reassurance. I can get out!
  3. I have a husband to support me.
  4. I have children who will take a stand and be strong. Even though that means they are difficult at times.
  5. I have lots of room to grow and be better.
  6. I can comfort those in need of comfort because I have/now am living it.
  7. I will get more blessings poured down on me than I can imagine.
  8. I can tell myself at the end of the day that " I made it through another day!

I am blessed and have many things to be grateful for. I am lucky, lucky to be alive, but I wouldn't mind if things got a little easier! Just saying! ;)
No matter where you're in your journey to find happiness it is worth the effort. It is worth it to keep trying!

Prescription:Take one serving of luck and call me in the morning. Should see some results within 24 hours!