What is stress doing to moms?

Hi! It has been a long time since I have written here. I have missed it! I have been writing.....just not here. I have been writing a book!

Its been pretty exciting since October. I have always wanted to write a book, but it was so overwhelming, like everything else felt like in my life. So...I wrote....but not like I have been these past few months. It is almost done and ready to go to editing. I am super scared because I have never been this close to success. I am so close!!

But in full confidence, I have only recently been building myself back up from what felt like my rock bottom. I started this blog as a way to help me find myself again, to find happiness in depression, anxiety and fibromyalgia. That is why it is called moms happiness blueprint.

Guess what?! I am happy despite that I still have depression, anxiety and fibromyalgia. I have rough days and weeks but I am not knocked down by them, like I was before. No I get back up brush off the yuck and stuck and I try again. In fact, the last 4 years have been really hard because the list of foods I can eat are just a few. I eat the same thing every day. No variety. No sugar. Yet things stay the same.

 I have not stayed the same though. I have changed... and for the better.

I still struggle with a messy house, my ADD brain and my illness. My 4 little leaders in training give me a run for my money. But, I recuperate faster and nothing keeps me down for long.

 I struggle with technology and how to get out there, not for fame, but to share and prevent moms from burning out. I mean you literally see the light go out of the eyes of a mom who is exhausted and been hanging on for so long. Stress happens but burnout is optional. That downward spiral in our mind, body and spirit is optional. We do not need to loose ourselves in motherhood. I see it all the time. Mothers who because of their health or difficult behaviors in their children are not enjoying motherhood and think they are doing something wrong. It breaks my heart and.......its PREVENTABLE!

Basically I have been putting off really helping moms navigate chronic stress like I do everyday. I am still figuring things out. That list of figuring it out is long. So is the list of tools and coping skills I have now. I have been able to take back my time and energy and break the tie to what I get done. Some days I just can't unless I want to crash and put myself into a flare. Illness had made me look at my priorities and do things differently. I like myself a lot more and the little people in my life. I love being an entrepreneur. It stretches me in ways I never thought possible. It is hard.

So why do I do it when I am sick and dealing with really stressful things?

Why not? I would be selfish if I didn't share what I know and help as many woman as I can. I can do this even if I am still struggling with stressful things. If we are strong and resilient moms then our kids will be too. There are a lot of things in a culture that are not good and busy, is one of them. We can stop it with our kids. They will do what we do they are watching us run around being stressed and busy. They feel less connected and less listened to so they are acting out more and turning to screens. But us moms, we can be the change.


I am talking about a movement from stress to time and energy freedom. I want to create a community and resources for busy moms like you to do this without all the guilt and being affected by stress.

There is no forward movement when we are stressed. For a year all I did was dig into my past, my thought patterns and learn what my triggers were. I really got to know myself and how hard I had been on myself since I was a child. No wonder I am sick. My body, mind and spirit are exhausted with me. Seriously! I put my OWN self through it. I didn't know that though. I do now and that is another reason why I want to share my story and light the way for others too, especially my children.

Eventually my website will be ready and I will move there. But I promise to not be so neglectful. I promise to be honest. I think writing on here will help me stay accountable and keep me focused, because hello....squirrel! Does anyone else need that? This year is my year to conquer the clutter and the fear of getting out there when I am still trying to figure things out.

Where are you starting from? Share. I would love to know. We can take this journey together. Start where you are. Its okay. Things can change. You can change. You can be the change.

3 reasons you should give affiramtions a try and how to make them powerful

Here is a little heavenly download I received this morning. You see it has been a tough month with routine changes, visitors, 2 dog surgeries and all the emotions that go with it. So as I was writing in my journal and thinking about the current challenges I am facing, these words were impressed on my mind. I like to imagine I am talking to my Heavenly Father and that he writes me back. I hope by sharing this it lifts you up and speaks to your heart. What was said was this:

You don't think you have been strong enough all this time but you have. You have done all you could and risen to the challenge and want to help others rise. All of this has built character and determination. Determination is defined as a firmness of purpose, resoluteness, strength of character, single mindedness, perseverance and grit. This is what you were building when it seemed you were knocked down and broken. When in reality their is a force, the devil, that wants to keep you down but you have the power to overcome it. This evil doesn't want you to know that. He wants to keep you from affirming your divine identity,calling him out and keep you down.

We can affirm who we are and declare it. That is powerful. That is why everyone is talking about affirmations. I tried affirmations years ago and they didn't work for me. I didn't think they were for me. I tried later and have since found a powerful combination to the negative! How many of you have tried affirmations and they didn't work?

 I believe an affirmation should have 3 things

1) address yourself.
 2)address your own thoughts and not others. You can't live on borrowed light or borrowed affirmations.
3) It should be urgent and vital. These statements should help you gather up internal strength and then be further strengthened and buoyed up by prayer and faith in your higher power, for me is my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

Affirmations are giving your brain something new and it is normal for you to feel uncomfortable and for it to take time to work. Stick with it! Declare what you want or who you would like to be spark that little bit of determination and hope. With an increase in sticking with it and hope you can practice refocusing your mental and spiritual energy. They are saying now it takes 66 days to change a habit. It takes time as all good things do.

Affirmations don't seem to work when you just start out and may at rock bottom in what seems to the ruins of your life. It may at first take all your strength and energy to refocus and say these affirmations. That is normal. Again it takes time and practice. You are reprograming deep thinking patterns and beliefs.

 Loving and trusting God in the rubble takes time and so does loving yourself again. It takes time to build from the ground up. But as you build from what has been broken, increase that determination and firmness of purpose and faith you are building stronger this time. You can build on that everyday to build up and create anew and those weaknesses will become strengths. Keep trying. Don't give up. Keep building on what you know and are doing well already.

When your feeling anything but love

I wrote this today because I was feeling anything but love.

 

 

I didn't love that I have had a regression in my health. I didn't like that I keep taking the same thought patterns of fight or flight when I am being yelled at or my child is throwing a tantrum. I feel like a bad mom.They are probably feeling like a bad kid and that I am not listening or loving them the way they need.

 

It's so easy to take that path of self pity and helplessness,but so frustrating at the same time. I was triggered by one of my children and fear always creeps in. Then fight or flight stress response. Then the response in my mind and body and more........... Pain....

 

 Emotional, physical, spiritual and mental pain..........Then a Fibro flare. Its the same pattern

 

The mind, body and spirit are all connected and I get so mad when I start this chain reaction.I know it happening but I still can't stop myself.I fail to stop at the imaginary stop sign. Instead I react and crash and bang into everyone and everything in my path. I am at the intersection of brain overload and emotional shutdown.

So this is for you......

 

if you are feeling unloved, unappreciated, invalidated. This is for you if you are discouraged and bearing yourself up with your inner critic and demons. You may be feeling just like me.You and I are better than this. We can make a different choice, a course correction, if you will.Today my pain has been halted with a poem I wrote. It's called Just Love. I hope it allows you to stop,breathe and make a different, better choice the rest of your day,week, month, year and the rest of your life.
 

Just love

 

When the waves come crashing down...Just love

When vision is blurred .........Just love

When it seems like we are drowning.......Just love

Just love.

For yourself.

For your loved ones.

Everyone is heard. You "sea"everyone's perspective and no one is lost for long. When it seems impossible look to the horizon of new possibilities.

New hope.

New chances.

When it seems hard to love your life and even yourself start with a spark, a glimmer of love and hope.You are never beyond hope or love. You are never beyond hope or love. The one you MUST start with first is yourself.

If you want to join the community and safe space. Click link below

Motivated Mamas

Depression has been my greatest teacher

Communication with other people has not been my strong suit. Every time I would speak up for myself ,whether it was bullies, my teachers, my peers and even my family I got shot down. I was made to feel like I was too sensitive and emotional. It started an unhealthy addiction to perfection. It made me look at myself like something was wrong with me. I learned that outside forces defined me that what people thought and said were true. I learned that my thoughts we're heavy and scary and that they were true. I felt unsafe unloved. No matter who was there for me or who tried to show they cared and loved me I was completely overwhelmed bye things that happened to me and continue to happen to me and my emotions. I didn't realize what was happening. I didn't realize what damage I was doing to my mind and my body and the beliefs I was forming. I didn't know any other way to live unless I had something to fix something to make it all better. But it never did. It never did get better. The only thing I was able to do was to hide it better.

 

These last few years I have learned so much and change so much. I've experienced such darkness and pain that I didn't think it was humanly possible to experience. All my time and energy was sucked away by worrying and fighting and struggling and being triggered. But I've learned something from all of this. What I have gone through is worth it if it helps somebody else. I pray no one else has to step into that complete dark and hopelessness and fear and struggle. Every now and again it comes back and I feel it and I fear it and I struggle against it. But I've learned that fighting only brings resistance. And if you feel like you have to fight something the trick to fighting is........ patience. Patience with yourself. Patience with the events and circumstances of your life and trying to not bring fear and resistance and negative emotions to it. There is a force that wants you to think these things. That wants you to doubt yourself and doubt that there's any way out or any hope or any direction. Depression anxiety and Fibromyalgia and people in my life that trigger me have all been my greatest teachers of patience. We are like clay in the potters hands. Gods hands. We can allow our struggles to shape us or to crumble under the pressure.

 

The more I don't want something the more it persists. What if instead I look at what I can learn and what adversity can teach me? What if these frustrating patterns and addictions to negativity and seeing myself as a victim so early on in life can teach me something? Even those people who get under my skin and trigger me or make me think I am a bad person or I can't do it anymore can teach me. They teach me the most about being patient. Patient as I try to not control and fix things. Patient as I try to search for answers that benefit me and benefit them. Patience that God has brought these people into my life for a reason. That God has brought in all of this into my life for a reason. And that storm that seems to be circling around ,confusing me, scaring me and taking my very breath away, seems to dissipate in an instant as fast as it came.

 

 I'm so grateful that I have learned what my triggers are. I'm so grateful that I know when I'm triggered and I'm aware of what's going on. Even though I haven't learned how to stop being triggered, I overcome it faster each time. I am not willing to devote my energy in my time to it any longer than it needs to be. I need to allow God to calm the storm inside so I can see clearly and know that it's okay. I can know that it's Depression or Anxiety or any triggering event or person and that I can't control that outside force. You can know. These perceived weaknesses can't control me.It can't control you. It's only powerful when I fear it and give it into it. When I start down that path of feeling worthless and not liking myself and not liking what's happening to me. I know that path of self loathing and destructive thoughts. I won't stay on that path. I can turn around. I can choose another path. So can you. I can choose another way. So can you. He shows me that way. He shows you.But only if I am listening and only if I allow it and ask for help.

 

 I would encourage you to listen to your messengers and what you can learn. Slow down and listen. It may feel like there is too much and you are overwhelmed. I have been there. Don't let the storms on the outside come inside you. The answers and strength is inside you. Stand strong and build the strong inside you to not be blown about by very wind and withstand the storms of life.

What to do when life seems to be coming up weeds instead of roses

It's springtime and yet again we forgot to spray fertilizer on our lawn. So our yard is covered in yellow dandelions. Weeds seem to grow anywhere and come out of nowhere. This is true of our thoughts as well and the stories we tell ourselves. I've been telling myself stories since I was a little girl. Every time my parents fought or I was bullied at school. I was telling the story of victim. I felt worthless and powerless in my brain continue to look for that evidence. Even now when I tell people my story my body goes into fight or flight as if it is living it all over again. It's really frustrating because I have changed or I'm trying to. I've seen more evidence of hope and my worth as a child of God. I love telling my story because it energizes me. I took my story, something negative, and found a positive in it to empower me and to be able to use it to empower others.

 

I have learned there's power in letting go. Letting go of control to what I could control and that was me. I had to find out where I was giving my power away. I had parasites, sibo(small bacteria overgrowth)my health and the illness identity of so many diagnoses other people's talks its behavior that I'm constantly around, a messy house. Where are you giving your power away? Where are you saying I can't take it anymore? Where are you saying I am sick and tired of this?

We so often give people, achievements what we do power over us.Its who we are the matters not what we do or our past or even our future but what we are doing now. Our worth is from the divine within each of us. How we tell our story matters because our brains look for evidence to support our thoughts which may or may not be true. We can be strong despite our circumstances. We can look at our stories and other way to build us up and those around us rather than tear us down. Even though dandelions pop up all over my yard they aren't ugly to me but a beautiful yellow flower. They do tend to take over so they do need to be dealt with. And so do our thoughts. But not with force and resistance but understanding and love and getting your brain to just start to look for evidence of the positive and find the beauty in the weeds.

How will you take your power back?

Fatigued and failing

I used to wake up on days like this, stormy and dark, feeling like a failure already because I hurt so bad. I knew I would not be able to do what I wanted to do for the day before the day had even started. This is the life of chronic illness. You are forced to choose what you want to do because of how little energy you have. You may not have Fibro but it seems like many woman these days are walking around exhausted, pulled in so many directions and feeling guilty because they got nothing done. Exhausted, out of fuel and running on empty. If a car ran out of fuel it wouldn't be able to keep going yet we do that to ourselves constantly. We push and get things done anyway. It totally zaps the energy and joy out of life and you.

If I try to push and keep going there is a terrible price to pay. It comes in the form of being exhausted in mind body and spirit. I wake up with my skin feeling like it is on fire and completely wiped like I had run a marathon or something. I have been struggling with fatigue for a while now and just when I think I have figured out my pace something shifts or changes. It can be frustrating but the little scientist sees a challenge and an experiment.

If I can only do one thing what would it be?

I have so much to do but no gas in the tank. My choice is practically made for me. Days like today are a warning that I better park myself and not force anything or I will be sorry.

I am learning to focus my mind, heart and body and God. That when I put him first everything else falls into place. That means choosing that one thing I want to do today and reassessing if I can do more. Everything else I can do after that is like icing on the cake. I take my big bowl of leftover icing with a spoon and I sit there and lick what is left, totally in the moment and sweet victory.

 These are the days when my priorities become so clear because I don't want to be too tired for my family.That means letting A LOT of tasks go so I can focus on just the important ones. Those priorities are my relationships. I like to think of it like this.

Imagine you had to leave your home and you could only take what you could carry.

 These are your priorities.

My God,my family and myself and food and water.

"The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing "Steven R Covey

"When you put God first everything falls into place or drops out of our lives" Ezra Taft Benson

What is your main thing?

How you can get the suport you need as a mom to succeed in your home and life

Lately I have been telling my story wherever I go. There is power in our stories. Not only our stories but from where we were to where we are now. I can't believe how far I have come from being a walking stress ball and time bomb ready to go off. Really, it was no kind of life or at least at the time I didn't know how to love my life the way it was because I was completely in the dark. I was so much in my head and the stories I was telling myself since I was a kid and then adding to it as I went along.

So what has changed?

I hope you can see the change. I feel the light back in my life even though I am still sick with Fibromyalgia and always having to stop or change my thoughts instead of just running with them. It is as easy to play the victim card, self pity and self loathing as it is to be the victor, humble and self loving when things come into the light. The trick is to trick your brain. Lead your brain along a new path you want it to go. I started doing that 2 years ago and already I can notice when I am triggered and course correct quicker. I can fill my mind with light instead of negative and dark. When I say its easy I mean the choice is. Once you have the knowledge it is up to you to get help and act on it. Getting help and support can look different in so many ways. It may mean therapy, it may mean medicine. It may mean finding routines to keep you out of the dark in the first place. I love what Elder Uchtdorf said in a talk Bearers of Heavenly Light

"Darkness is not an indication that there is no light. Most often, it simply means we’re not in the right place to receive the light."

 I was in the wrong place it wasn't me. I wasn't a horrible person after all. I just needed to stand for what and who I was, a daughter of God. I needed to get in a better place to be more open to the support my Heavenly Father was trying to give me. I want you to find support and receive what you need and please be kind and watch that inner critic.

I needed therapy. I am not ashamed. The hardest part was after the sessions I was left with big emotions and not sure what to do next. The darkness and hopelessness were still there. That gave me an idea. It was the feelings of what to do next, where to start to pick up the pieces of your life or how to keep going broken and confused that was the problem. My heart started to reach out more for opportunities to find woman in distress or in stress mode. Most of us are stressed but what if it becomes chronic? I saw how woman were trying so hard to get everything done and feeling unaccomplished at night. A light bulb went off. These woman, you, may be in stress mode and not even know it. I know because that was me.

To make things more interesting, we are all different in our beliefs and thoughts, our challenges and demands on our time. The long lists, the trying to get more done and to be a better mom weighed heavily on me and so many woman I met. We all try so hard but feel like we got nothing done or nothing fun is on our list. We are doing and busy but maybe a little lost because we have become just a mom. Lost and in survival mode and wanting more but not sure how.

I haven't been blogging as much because I started my own group, Motivated mamas. I wanted to create a safe space for moms to go and find the help and support so needed. Motivation comes down to wanting to jump out of bed and start your day to pulling the covers back over your head. My hope is that this community will grow and that we as moms can be our best selves and help our children do the same. The difference for me to being excited for my day and pulling back the covers is YOU. To be there for you when the fears, I don't know what to do next or where to start...... creeps in. You know you want a change but it all feels so overwhelming. We cannot act from a place of stuck and overwhelm. Whether you have followed my journey or just found me today. I hope you come and find what you are looking for. Kiss the stress away and your babies more!

Check it out and share with others moms.https://www.facebook.com/groups/motivatedmamaswithKristianneRushton/

The light in my Depression

The last couple of weeks have been emotional for me. Some days it just feels like you're being buried by everything in your life. Some days I think I'm free of depression. Then without warning it just hits me.It can be like a tidal wave or small chains and shackles pulling me down slowly. Today was one of those tidal wave days. It knocked me down and I didn't think I would get back up. I had several things that we're very difficult to deal with,all at the same time and I didn't see how they would ever be fixed?

 

 I felt ALONE.

 

I couldn't SEE.

Last week on Friday morning I woke up and the cloud was still there. I just kept crying and was just so tired. I knew what was happening but felt powerless to stop it. Fear had rolled in. I've been at that place of feeling hopeless. It is heavy. It is relentless. It used to be everyday. I was scared that it was going to stay again. I felt weak but knew I couldn't let it stay. It was really hard but I sent a text to some of my closest friends and ask them to pray for me. I knew I didn't have the strength that day. Rather, I forgot what strength I do have when I put my trust in God. I knew I didn't want to let the sadness take over. I gave my friends no explanation just that I couldn't talk right then andt I just needed their prayers and love.

 I eended up sleeping all morning and anytime I was awake I would cry. Mornings have been very different for me the last year or so. It has been one of study, meditation and deciding I was in charge of my day. I made things happen. This was a heavy dark morning and out of the norm of what I have been doing.

 

It wasn't until the afternoon that I was able to get my achey, tired, and beaten body up out of bed. I hadn't eaten anything yet.I was able to eat. I chose to go outside. I needed the sun. I needed the light. When the darkness comes I look for the light. I try to crowd out the thoughts and darkness with scriptures and talks. I could tell the Lord heard my prayers and the prayers of my friends. I felt that strength.It is hard to explain how the darkness was lifted ,but I am grateful that I could get up. I could recognize what was happening. I could make small choices to lead me to bigger ones. Choice over fear and feeling paralyzed.

 It was definitely scary to think that I might not get out. But then I knew if I fell, if I got stuck, that I was letting the circumstances dictate how I should feel. I know this is no longer how I want to think. It is no longer who I want to be. I know I'm stronger than I was before, that I am building better self awareneness ,but I also know that I couldn't have done it without the power of prayer and God's love and the wonderful people around me.

 

 I'm feeling hopeful again and it is growing every day.The feelings I was feelings are not so intense anymore. They're still there. But that heavy weight has been lifted. I can find my way to the light and so can you. Some days it requires all the strength that you have. Other days you just stay hidden and hope it ends soon. I know both of those kind of days. And I choose to crawl out of the dark hole of self pity and despair. I choose to let my friends be there for me. I choose the light over the darkness.

 What do you choose?

 Light at last: Maybe you aren't there yet, free and happy, but I know you can choose to end the power and control Depression or any diagnosis or struggle has on you. You choose or something else chooses for you. It only has power if we let it. Let the light in. Let this be your healing step with many more to follow. I believe in you wherever you are. Come into the light. Come out of the darkness of whatever thoughts or feelings you have that drag you down. Choose.

Old story new begining

I started blogging about 10 years ago. I had just been diagnosed with Depression and Celiac disease. It felt like a punch in the gut and that I would never eat anything I wanted or be happy again!!! My little spark of hope went out and I felt unsupported and in total darkness. This little blog fueled my desire to get out what was in my head and I hoped to find other woman depressed and lonely or to help them. Although, just starting I could barely take care of myself. I had no idea what I was doing. All I knew is I was doing it and that it gave me something to do and a voice. I didn't have a voice before or a self esteem or even know why I was a mom. Pretty bleak and depressing wouldn't you say?

 

A few years later I thought moving to a bigger safer neighborhood would take care of all my woes. There was someone in my church that was bullying me and it only kept me down and powerless. In fact my whole life I really never felt good physical or mentally and saw myself as a victim wherever I went. I didn't know that was what I was thinking though. So I was always looking for a way out. I wanted to feel safe and I didn't. I moved into my new house and new hope moved in too. It didn't take long to see that it didn't matter where I was. The pain and the unresolved issues at my other home and my whole life just followed me. Plus, I was new and didn't know anyone. Everyone was very friendly and nice but I had this big secret that I thought no one would want to really be my friend. I was alone, a victim and getting sicker by the day. I was such a joy to be around....NOT! Again who would want to be my friend. How could they? I was a mess. My home was a mess. Little did I know that God would turn my inward and outward mess into a message. That the darkness would be turned to light. Hopelessness into a spark of hope.

Before this light really could grow and I had to experience my final blow. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and IBS before my fourth child was born. My little new born baby was also struggling with food and we found out he was allergic to almost everything. I didn't realize that I would share the same fate. I was too exhausted to blog and to do the school lessons. I did this while I wrote about my journey. I thought maybe other moms would want to do the lessons. I also wrote about what I was going to feed this baby. Nothing in my life felt easy breezy. To keep my sanity I prayed and I wrote when my mind was clear enough to do so. I was sleep walking through my life. Until....a friend woke me up. She invited me to this group of woman. I have written about them before. It was the first time I heard me too! I had finally found woman that knew what I was going through. They understood and I was safe. I never felt safe before, loved or supported and it was all how I saw the world. If these woman could rise from their pain and circumstances. I could to!

The final piece of the puzzle was when I learned how our thoughts have the power to create. That I was creating my misery. It was a hard pill to swallow and it didn't go down well at first. However, because of these woman I had started gathering evidence that I could look at things differently. That it was okay to feel differently then I actually felt and that I could retrain my brain and my pain. What?? I am telling you right now. I did not expect God to tell me to look at myself when I was the victim here. There were people who hurt me and continued to hurt me as I relived it over and over. Depression wasn't me. It was a thought pattern that turned into a chemical change in my brain because I had been thinking this way for so long. It still needs to be diagnosed and dealt with by a health care professional because it is a chemical imbalance. But there is hope because there are things we can do in the meantime and people who have overcome it, like me. Winter is still hard but I have built up my awareness over the last 2 years. Every time I catch dark thoughts creeping in I course correct a little easier and faster. I no longer stay in the darkness but look for the light until it crowds out the darkness again. I do it as many times as it takes.

I have learned:

1. To watch my thoughts and to turn my thoughts to God
2. That my happiness is my choice and not due to my circumstances
3. To heal my relationships with God, myself, my family
4. To allow forgiveness and to let go of victim mentality
5. To heal my mindset and view of time and money

Most of all when I want answers or want someway to analyze or point fingers it always comes back to me. I don't blame myself for this anymore. I know I didn't know any better so I kept going with what I knew. I know my blueprint for happiness. My thoughts create good in my life or bad. There is always another obstacle over the one I get over. How else are we supposed to grow. It is part of Gods plan for us to struggle and grow from it. We might as well be happy. I tried being miserable and that didn't work so well. So if you are asking why me? Why not you? What are you supposed to learn from this? How can it help you grow where you are and how can you teach it to others? These are the questions I ask myself everyday. The dark thoughts still come but I do not let them stay too long before questioning them and understanding why they are there. Thoughts are thoughts. Thoughts I have shared with you have helped me learn and grow and figure things out. I am ready to serve deeper and grow this idea born out of my struggles into really helping people. I will be moving soon to a new website. Stay posted. Stay with me as I again tackle my next obstacle. I will continue to blog here until this move is complete and I want you to come with me! Stay tuned. Stay happy. Keep learning and going! Stay with me because I want to know you better.

3 way to let go without forcing

I have always been a person who gets frustrated when I can't do something or figure something out fast enough. I was like that as a kid. I have always been so tight. A big stress ball. My mom told me that one day at recess she watched me play dodge ball. She said that I closed my eyes and tightened up when the ball was thrown every time. When I would get out she saw me physically relax and let go. Needless to say I was a tense kid at school and at home. At night my Mom would have to sing to me and rub my arm to calm me down. I can't really do that to myself but it works like a charm😉.

 

 

Since I have started listening to my body more I have noticed how alone and weighted down I feel some days. I just want the pain, the piles of things not getting done because I am sick or too tired, to go away ,but it doesn't. I have heard that what you resist persists. Like a needy person always hanging around.What we focus on grows. I see this neediness in my kids sometimes that no matter how much time and attention I give to them, its not enough. They want more. This is how it feels today with the projects, self care and self improvement I am attempting to do. It feels like a needy child that whatever I give isn't enough.The house will never get clean. I will never finish. There is not enough time.

 

 What is a reoccurring thought that you are resisting? Why are you resisting it? I believe a lot of times we resist because we are fearful and wanting to be done with what is ailing us or weighing heavily on our mind. Why do we hold on so hard and have trouble letting go?

 

I was also told how sensitive I was and that I shouldn't cry or I should be able to get over something. Those who told me this meant well, but that became a big trigger for me and a ding in my self esteem armor. Our sense of self protects us from slander and negative arrows thrown at us daily. But if we don't have much of an armor then it all becomes an attack and sinks deep into our heart and becomes a belief of who we are. What did they know? All of us big or small are just trying to make sense of our world and to feel safe. So why did I ever let someone who is struggling to know who they are themselves to have any effect on how I felt about me? Surely there is more inside than what they see on the outside. We are sons and daughters of God and shouldn't be beating ourselves up or believing others who don't realize the pain they are causing.

 I want to share with you 3 way that you can stop resisting your true feelings and start to let go. Imagine it like a balloon. You fill that balloon with all your worries, insecurities and old beliefs that don't serve you anymore. Fill it up and then let it go. Watch it go up into the sky until you can't see it anymore. Letting go like this feels natural and freeing and there is no forcing. I don't want you to be a stress ball like me as a little girl tense and waiting to be knocked down. The 3 ways to let go without forcing are 1)Learn to give up expectations 2) Be able to speak words of validation and affirmation. 3) Make self care a priority.

 

 

1)Learn to give up expectations on how you should or shouldn't feel or what you should or shouldn't get done. Perfection drives expectations which then drives frustration and overwhelm. You can't do anything well when you are overwhelmed. I have talked before of what happens when overwhelm is in the drivers seat. A lot of bad driving that is what! Swerving and honking and cursing and only stopping if it wants too. You have to give up what your day should look like and how much time you have or don't have. You have to give up labels that others gave you.

 

2)Be able to speak words of validation and affirmation to ourselves. I have found that a lot of our pain comes from needing validation or that things will be okay but we often don't hear it. Why not tell yourself how proud you are of you and what you are doing well. When I started doing this I no longer looked for it from others and I got more compliments from them anyway. Another thing you can do is to pray and ask God how he feels about you. He won't hurt you or leave you comfortless but you have to ask.

 

3) Lastly, you need to be doing self care. It needs to be in our schedules like an appointment. It is important because you can't do the inner work if your vessel is breaking down. You can't get to your destination if your check engine light is on in your car or you have a leaky gas tank and no energy. Self care is a must!

Start implementing these 3 thing in your life and you will be amazed at what wants to be freed. You will feel lighter and free to be you and create a better life for you and others around you each and every day.

 

How to use Affirmations effectively and just for you!

Perhaps by now you have heard of affirmations. It is basically a way to flip your old negative script(stories you tell yourself) to a more positive one. The fact that it is repetitious allows it to start to change your brains neural pathways and make new ones! This is important for your goals too! Affirm it. State it as a fact. It is like you have already reached that goal and you are living it. Declare it strongly and with energy. That way what you want knows you want it and can find you! I am statements are powerful. For example, I am a clean person or I am a healthy person who exercises everyday. I am enough. I am calm and confident.

You are probably looking at these affirmations I used as an example and thinking that is random or that won't work for me. I get it. I tried affirmations many times before expecting a huge change and nothing happened. Well, actually the one thing that did happen is I immediately scoffed and said yeah that is not true! They didn't work because they were someone else's not personal to me. It wasn't until someone explained what affirmations do and how to set them that it worked!! It worked over time, little by little, and over much repetition and adjusting my affirmations.

Here is how you write an affirmation. I like to start with what I already know to be true. What am I good at or positive attributes about me. Then I write I am beautiful. I am a mentor and friend. By doing this your brain won't reject it because it is about you. It is a truth about you. Then when you get in the habit of reading your affirmations you can start working on deeper limiting beliefs(beliefs holding you back in some way) and negative thoughts. Expect your mind to fight you on this! Think about it? You have thought this way probably since you were a child. That is where we form most of out beliefs. These beliefs often don't serve us anymore as adults. So these beliefs are blocking you from who you really are and what you can really do. Affirmations break that block. It isn't like a wrecking ball kind of break more like chiseling away to let things in. You can even tell yourself I am choosing to believe new things about myself every day. Affirmations are great for goals which is what we are trying to achieve. Sometimes when start to dig things come up that you may need to work through before you can work on your goals. Keep trying them. You will find ones that make you feel lighter and tingly all over an then you know you are on the right track.They really are powerful when they are just for you!

One final tip! Write them down and use them. They won't do what they are meant to do when you don't use them regularly.

Okay one more! If you really want them to be powerful you can add visualization to them. To make both even more powerful add a positive emotion with it. Affirmations are not a quick fix.This all takes time and practice.

Here are the previous posts for claim your harvest
1.Claim your harvest for 2018
2.2 ways to clarify what you want
3.Lay it out and let it go


C-Clarity-Be clear on what you want and what you are willing to do to get it
L-Lay it out. Write it down and put your goals in a place you can see. Take away the urgency and perfectionism of it. Just let it be messy. Its like we are digging in the dirt and planting the seeds.
A-Affirm it -State it as a fact. It is like you have already reached that goal and you are living it. Declare it strongly and with energy. That way what you want knows you want it and can find you! I am statements are powerful. I am a clean person. Or I am a healthy person who exercises everyday.
I-Intention.Have a plan of action. Do something small like putting your shoes by your bed so you are ready to go on a walk. Clean a small area and be proud of what you did. Then build on that. Small actions bring about great things.
M-Move towards your goal again with the end in mind(your harvest). Keep moving forward no matter the obstacles and stumbling blocks in your way.

Lay it out and let it go-Why you should write goals down

The last few posts I have talked about claiming you harvest. Your harvest is what you have been working towards and waiting to grow just for you in 2018! You can watch the video on claiming your harvest on my Facebook page. You can also read about the last 2 posts if you missed them.
1.Claim your harvest for 2018
2.2 ways to clarify what you want

The first step to making our goals and dreams is to C clarify. Get clear on what you want.

Most of us groan when we think about goals. Yet goals are really important. However most of us do not write them down. When we leave them in our minds they take up much needed space in our heads. Goals do no good if they just float around in your head.  Your goals and you stay stuck in your progression unless you write them down. The act of writing on paper we activate the left and right parts of our brain and open it up to be more creative. We have the power to create what we want in our lives. Writing tells our whole body that we are serious and really want this! From our head to our toes kind of tingling wanting it! L in claiming our harvest is laying it out on paper and letting go of things that keep us stuck.

 Writing our goals down is like making a target with a bulls eye. The act of writing them down is like looking ahead and focusing on that target. By writing your goals down it changes your daily focus to those goals more and more. Can you see it happening? Not yet? Just wait! When you write and schedule time for those goals things just happen and resources just show up! So write it down and then take your aim! If you miss that is okay. Failure is part of making goals and claiming the best year ever!

The trick for goal setting is to aim high. This means you dream bigger to start with. After all you want to hit the bulls eye right? You also want to make sure that your bow is in working order. You are like the bow.You can't shoot with a broken bow. So always make sure you are in working order first. Your health, diet and exercise matter in order to fulfill your dreams. Steven R. Covey calls it sharpening the saw.

2% of Americans actually write their goals down.

 That is a lot of dreamers but not very much action. To act you have to remind yourself of what you are aiming for. Remember we talked about clarity? There is no better way to get clarity than to have clearly defined goals. Put them where you can see it. This provides constant reminders of what you want and makes creating priorities much easier. Your goals becomes more concrete and attainable and less like reaching for the stars. You also free up your mind when those dreams aren't floating around in there. More room to dream and create whatever you want.

Most importantly when distractions and obstacles come along that want to keep you stuck you have something like a G.P.S. to help get you there. Knowing what you want gives you power. It empowers you to take the next step. Take away the urgency and perfection from it. This is easier said than done. However, when we are aware that urgency and perfection are modes to keep us overwhelmed and stuck they can lose their power. We can call them out for what they are! Another thing to remember is very few people make it on their first try. We often fail. But with failure we learn to adjust and take aim again. Successful people keep trying after they fail because they actually get closer to their target each time they do. Failure can actually give you needed feedback to move forward and hit your target.

" Goals are no more than dreams being made into reality." Kristianne Rushton

 

 

 

C-Clarity-Be clear on what you want and what you are willing to do to get it
L-Lay it out. Write it down and put your goals in a place you can see. Take away the urgency and perfectionism of it. Just let it be messy. Its like we are digging in the dirt and planting the seeds.
A-Affirm it -State it as a fact. It is like you have already reached that goal and you are living it. Declare it strongly and with energy. That way what you want knows you want it and can find you! I am statements are powerful. I am a clean person. Or I am a healthy person who exercises everyday.
I-Intention.Have a plan of action. Do something small like putting your shoes by your bed so you are ready to go on a walk. Clean a small area and be proud of what you did. Then build on that. Small actions bring about great things.
M-Move towards your goal again with the end in mind(your harvest). Keep moving forward no matter the obstacles and stumbling blocks in your way.



2 ways to Clarify what you want in 2018

Winter is a time of year to rest, focus on maintenance and get ready for the harvest and new buds of your hard work and nurturing. This process of setting goals can't be rushed. First you have to be clear on what you want for this new year. Not what you don't want but what you truly want. I wanted to go more in detail with each part of CLAIM for claim your harvest.
 C is for clarify. What is this word clarity and what does this have to do with us Moms? What would it feel like to wake up with energy and know what you are going to do today? What would it feel like if you were clear on your goals and not reactive... to whatever happens during your day? What do you really want? Where do you see your self in a year, 5, 10 or at the end of your life? What will really matter? I suggest 2 ways to get clear on what you really want. Clear the fog and get clear on what you are planting for 2018! See the video here

Have you ever driven in fog? It is hard to see the car in front of you. I remember a trip through Bakersfield the fog was so thick we couldn't not travel through it. We had to stay the night until it cleared out. Sometimes we lose our vision and we can't see clearly the path we want to take. This can be caused by too many options, perfection, and fear. What is keeping your vision foggy? To discover our vision again it is important for it to be truly defined and clear. You could ask the questions at the beginning of this post. A few other questions you can ask is what makes you feel alive, fulfilled? What went well last year that you could take care of into next year? Low levels of clarity effects not only our vision but our motivation. It keeps us stuck and paralyzed.

Once you have a vision of what you want. It is time to plant the seeds. These seeds are like your ideas and goals. You don't want to just take seeds and throw them on the ground. Who knows what will grow and where. You have to follow the planting instructions and plant them in rows and with seeds that are the same. It is like this with our goals. You have to be intentional of what you are planting and what will grow. This is where picking a specific area in your life you want to grow and get better works best. Common areas to grow is health, family, finances, spiritual, physical. Another way you can do this if focus on the roles or the many "hats" you wear. For example, Mother, daughter, friends, Spouse and so on.Try to pick only a few areas to work on and take care of. Weeds are bound to pop up. Set backs, lack of motivation, negative self talk, and perfectionism creep up too. When we get better at tending our little garden we can add more the next time because our confidence will have grown along with strong healthy habits and dreams.

Once we let the fog clear and we know what we are going to plant we are well on our way to enjoying a plentiful harvest. It takes some planning and reminding ourselves what we are growing and moving towards. Get some clarity and some clear seeds/ideas to plant and it can be your best year ever!

C-Clarity-Be clear on what you want and what you are willing to do to get it
L-Lay it out. Write it down and put your goals in a place you can see. Take away the urgency and perfectionism of it. Just let it be messy. Its like we are digging in the dirt and planting the seeds.
A-Affirm it. State it as a fact. It is like you have already reached that goal and you are living it. Declare it strongly and with energy. That way what you want knows you want it and can find you! I am statements are powerful. I am a clean person. Or I am a healthy person who exercises everyday.
I-Intention.Have a plan of action. Do something small like putting your shoes by your bed so you are ready to go on a walk. Clean a small area and be proud of what you did. Then build on that. Small actions bring about great things
M-Move towards your goal again with the end in mind(your harvest). Keep moving forward no matter the obstacles and stumbling blocks in your way.

Top 5 posts for 2017

This year has definitely been ones of challenge and digging deep to be more than my diagnosis and to discover what my message and legacy I want to share with the world is. So many people have brought me to this place of acceptance and discovery for my illnesses and for things that I didn't know but wish I had. That is part of the reason I have this blog is to help others not have to make the same mistakes or to recover quicker. For these people in my life I am grateful. I am grateful to the Lord for being there and guiding me on this new path of so much unknown.

Here is a look back at the posts that meant something to you and I am glad to be a part of your journey. What would you want me to talk about this new year? What matters to you? Anything new or that I should elaborate more?

1.Top post for this year was: The path of healing is a long and joyful journey

2.This was from last year but it had to make the cut: I am the storm

3.How to have the life you want when everything is a mess

4.Something old and something new: old battles and new challenges

5.How to trust when you don't know how

This is still the top blog post of all time.3 ways to bring balance back to life. What do you like about this one? What could I go into more detail on?

Claim your harvest (goals) for 2018

Christmas is almost here! I hope that everyone has been enjoying the joy and light that comes this time of year. I could just do without the cold. How about you?

I came up with a way to hopefully make it through the winter and inspire you to be mindful and ready to jump into 2018. Most of us grumble when we think of setting goals that we aren't going to finish anyway. That is a horrible way to start the new year and guaranteed to start a downward  spiral of guilt and negative self talk. We can't start a journey with our ox already in the mire. Here is how I like to think of it. Amazing things are waiting for you. They are lined up and waiting for you! How does that sound. All you have to do is show up and claim it. Claim what exactly? Your harvest. What you have been working towards and waiting to grow just for you! You can  watch the video on my Facebook page.

What can you do to claim your goals and dreams?
C-Clarity-Be clear on what you want and what you are willing to do to get it
L-Lay it out. Write it down and put your goals in a place you can see. Take away the urgency and perfectionism of it. Just let it be messy. Its like we are digging in the dirt and planting the seeds.
A-Affirm it. State it as a fact. It is like you have already reached that goal and you are living it. Declare it strongly and with energy. That way what you want knows you want it and can find you! I am statements are powerful. I am a clean person. Or I am a healthy person who exercises everyday.
I-Intention.Have a plan of action. Do something small like putting your shoes by your bed so you are ready to go on a walk. Clean a small area and be proud of what you did. Then build on that. Small actions bring about great things.

Alma 37:6
6 Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.
M-Move towards your goal again with the end in mind(your harvest). Keep moving forward no matter the obstacles and stumbling blocks in your way.

I can't wait to finish planting my seeds and see what grows within the next few months. What about you?

Hope, a light through lifes storms

Since Friday my body has ached with a storm on its way. It arrived Monday and it was a tough day for pain and for Depression. Storms come and go. But the ones inside each of us seem to be more intense and longer. Luckily the storm passed and today was sunny. I love when the clouds break through and the sun shines again. Monday was a good reminder for me that I live my life in recovery and I have to use the tools I have to cope and overcome these days. It wasn't long ago that all I knew was darkness and storms. It felt like the clouds would never part. It felt relentless and that I was being pushed down by the darkness and fear.

One day the clouds did part for me. That is not something you forget. Every day it felt like I was drowning and finally on that day of light and hope I could breathe. I could see the light. With a break in the clouds came a breakthrough. It was an instant when hopelessness turned to hope and I turned to the light and bathed in its warmth. I had forgotten what it felt like to let things through especially the love and comfort our Heavenly Father can give us. What I learned was that my thoughts were not my reality and I could challenge them. How many of you feel or have felt like the barrage of thoughts will never stop? That each day will be a struggle and surrounded in darkness and defeat?

Today I was talking to my friend and I had another big breakthrough. Amidst the darkness it is not surprising how alone one can feel. What I didn't realize that this is a belief I still carry with me. Did you get Goosebumps? I know I did when I realized that this limiting belief was something I didn't need anymore and I could let it go! Imagine letting such a heavy burden go! It felt amazing! That feeling that it is all up to me to make things better for myself and others. Ultimately, my efforts and others efforts weren't recognized. I found myself saying I have to clean this house all by myself. I have to change_____ behavior. I have to control and hide my own feelings of inadequacy. Can any of you relate? It felt like a huge weight had been lifted and the clouds of hopelessness parted and hope shone through again. I was able to let go of such negative energy I have carried for I don't know how long.

Do you feel alone? Do you think it is possible to let go of the burdens you carry? What are you carrying that is weighing you down? What can you give to the Savior? You can! He already paid the price and he is standing with open arms. Imagine it! He is right there with open arms waiting for you to ask him to take this burden. Can you feel his love? He must have told me so many times that I wasn't alone but I couldn't hear it or see it.

When I was diagnosed and wondering what to do next there was nothing that I knew of to help me know what to do next. I didn't know that my thoughts were a cage or there was things I had control over. I just want you to know when you come here you can lean on me and learn what you can do. There is hope when you feel you can't make it another day. God knows. I know. Even if you don't know how he can lift that burden find one of his earthly angels who does. Thoughts of hopelessness, darkness despair and feeling alone can be challenged even when in the grips of mental illness. There is a light and beacon of hope that will light your path however dark it may seem. Allow it. Pray for it. You are never alone!

How to trust when you don't know how

When we are very small and innocent we trust those around us. We unknowingly place our well being, happiness and beliefs in our caregivers power. We put our tiny hands in their bigger, more experienced  hands. This is safety at its best. But what happens when we realize that we are more than just an extension of our parents? We are ready to explore! We are ready to roll over, crawl and eventually walk and see our new world and where are place is in it. We are still unsure and scared but we see our parents outstretched arms and we feel we can do it as long as they are there. This is Trust.

Trust has never been easy for me. I really don't know why. It may have started early on in my life when my birth Mother and Father were deciding whether to keep me or not. I don't know. The issue with trust first came up for me in therapy a few years ago. I felt like such an infant then. I still do. I really didn't know what was happening to me and why certain things kept triggering me. Do you ever feel like you are starting over? Do you feel like nothing is in your control? It is as if you are rolling around on the floor with no idea how to get from point A to point B. I felt and feel like this some days. A little less now that Depression has loosened its grip. I do know that some people in my life acted in ways I didn't like or that I perceived as danger. I wasn't in any danger. But it made me feel uneasy, unloved and not good enough. No one knew, not even me ,my internal dialogue.  At a very young age I felt very unsafe and struggled with big emotions that I learned were bad. I don't know why I saw my world as scary and unforgiving, but I did. It became my subconscious program that played over and over to supposedly keep me "safe". That is our brains job. The more negative and bad things happened to me the more it reinforced this belief deep inside. This happens to all of us. These feeling create beliefs. We all have beliefs that drive our thoughts and behaviors everyday. This is really hard to say because looking back I had great parents that loved me. I had some amazing teachers that encouraged me and helped me with what I now know as anxiety. Eventually, even though it took a while, I made friends at school. I did have neighborhood friends but school was a jungle for me. I think it was third grade that I made some good friends. I never really trusted myself or anyone around me in any lasting way. I have really amazing friends now. I never knew this deep scar about myself until I dug deep into my past and found buried feelings. It started in hopes that it would help ease my depression. I learned through that experience that feelings buried will keep surfacing. They come up over and over. What do you do with such big feelings? Trust!

I realize that I have put up so many walls and in many ways am now just taking my first steps towards healing and recovery. I am taking baby steps into loving myself, trusting others that they won't hurt me and most of all putting all my trust in my Savior. It has been a really rough road but when I picture putting my full trust in someone it is like taking my first steps as I did as a baby. In that moment I know I trusted my parents completely just like my kids did with me. Trust is vital in taking forward motion or opening your heart up to something or someone. Trust is knowing that the bad stuff is behind you and does not define or confine you. It is tearing down the walls and allowing yourself to be loved unconditionally. Who knows you better than our Heavenly Father and Jesus? Even though we cannot see Jesus I know that his arm is stretched out still. To any of us. We just have to take the first step towards him and know that he is there. I begged for help and he did not leave me comfortless. I like to think that he was lining up some pretty amazing things and people that have come into my life over the last few years. That he knew what I needed when I didn't. He knows what you need. All of us!

Some days it is still very hard. Is it hard for you too? The fiery darts of self doubt, negativity, over thinking and fear are all around. When I fall and these penetrate my mind and heart I feel guilty that I am not trusting him fully. How can I trust when I have these thoughts and feelings? Then I remember who I am. I remind myself every day with my morning power hour to pack a powerful punch to the negative. But, when I lose my way and stumble I can picture my Savior there with outstretched arms saying "Its okay that you fell. Get up and try again. You can do it!

I love what Jeffrey R Holland said in General Conference April 2016   "Keep loving. Keep trying. Keep trusting. Keep believing. Keep growing. Heaven is cheering you on today, tomorrow, and forever." I know it may not seem like much, but to have someone cheering you on is motivating and propels you to move forward. If you don't know how to trust just start taking baby steps. Pray, study and little by little you will take more trusting steps and strides. Keep taking steps to get where you want to go and trusting in God and his goodness to get you there. I believe in you and want you to believe in you too!

Setbacks and possibilities

This week has been full of set backs. This is something that I have grown used to but still press forward. Why? Why do we push forward even when all the outside forces are combined against us? Why do some of us use our voices to share our story and others sit in the shadows? I have been asking myself these questions and more lately. I have a voice and I am trying to raise it and let everyone know what I know. I can't be quiet even if my blog is still in its infancy. Eventually things grow and that is my hope for happiness blueprint. There is a plan a guide to keep us on the path of happiness and wellness.

My story and your story needs to be told whether you reach the masses or not. Staying quiet only suppresses what is dying to get out. You might be thinking Why me? Why not you? What are we so afraid of anyway? Fear is just an emotion not something to be feared. Win or lose if we gave it our best we have done enough. How do we do this?

Just start! Make room in your life for possibilities and dreams. That space will be filled. I have already been seeing it in my life. Have you noticed things keep falling into place? Things and people fill that space, they line up and help you move your idea forward. If not yet, prepare yourself. The only limits we have here are ones we put on ourselves. Even now I am typing with a brace on my left wrist because of chronic carpel tunnel. My other hand is not as bad. I push through the pain because I love to write. I love to help and share. I always hope that you share my words as well. I used to write because I was sad and felt there was more to my life than to wake up and just do what I could to make it through the day. Most of my time was spent on the couch wishing I was gone from this world or that someone would tell me they have the answers I needed.

I started with an idea that has grown and I believe will continue to grow. Let me give you a visual of the importance of YOUR unique voice. Where we live there is a base near by and the planes fly overhead constantly. It is loud and a big conversation interrupter. What I notice though is people still talk but they talk louder and try to still talk despite the noise. I want you, as many of us, to speak out against the noise in our heads that tells us we are no good or that we can't do it. It is just noise. It can pass and we can again hear our heart and soul speak to us.

I used to write to have something to look forward to. I didn't know if it was just for me or if it would help other people. I just knew it made a little hole in my dark cloud everyday. Now I write for you. I don't want you to suffer needlessly when I have things to help and share. I can help you figure things out years before I did. Pain was and is still my teacher. I still have to make sure I am asking forward thinking questions and not backward thinking ones. The right questions set you up for success.

Let me explain further. Asking questions like why is this happening to me keeps you a victim. It keeps you stuck. That is a backward thinking question because it moves you where?....backwards! Instead you could ask questions like what am I to learn from this? What inside of me needs to grow and develop? That is forward thinking at its best my friend. It keeps you moving forward even if it a baby step idea like maybe there is a way to find happiness everyday? You want to tease your brain to think a little differently and not have it freak out on you and shut down the idea before it has a change to emerge fully and be accepted. Thoughts have power to keep you stuck. Getting lost in your diagnosis or blaming it keeps you stuck. I want to help you get unstuck and use your beautiful voices.God has a purpose for you. He has promised that ALL things shall work together for thy good. This means even the difficult circumstances of our life. Use your voice I will do the same. Together we can look FORWARD to great things.